My mouth tastes like defeat. Did he at least have money?
She's not depressed. She's just sober. It's like the same thing.
You say "I'm in class" like it matters... I'm getting a little tired of having to smoke by myself at 4:20 because you're in class.
I love drunk self when he leaves a prepacked bong for the morning... in the bathroom.
Was this before, or after you took my brand new bag of shredded cheese, and "Made it rain"?
I wish dancing around my house in my bra and underwear to Love Shack whilst eating strawberry cake batter was an acceptable form of exercise.
The best part is every argument that she makes from here on out will be refuted by "Oh hey remember that time you shit yourself wearing someone else's sweatpants at a frat party?"
I just love it. It's warm and soft and the rest of the world is so mean. My bed would never be mean to me
This question may sound intrusive, but how did pushing out a baby affect your vagina?
I sat on my couch last night watching What Women Want, eating ice cream, and sobbing "why doesn't she like me?" Why was I born a man?
She asked what it would take for you to fuck her. You drunkenly mumbled, "pepperoni pizza" and then got in the cab by yourself. You were smiling too. It was weird.
No man we're leaving now. The party will probably be busted soon. O and a bitch started throwing knives around the place, like real actual knives.
She said to me, without hesitation, "make me an offer better than my sugar daddy and I'll go with you"
Um went out in San Francisco last night and ignored someone hitting on me. So they bit my arm. Lmfao PLEASE TELL ME THIS ISNT THE SINGLE LIFE
Holding your hair back while you puked wasn't a choice. I was handcuffed to you.
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