you laugh because clearly you have never had to clean poop out of a tub
You had sex with him even after he literally described himself as a "coldplay guy"? There's a line you just don't cross. There is a line.
Uh oh. Middle aged belly dancers. And they just got out swords. Shit is about to get real.
I went online and donated $30 to his walk-a-thon as a "sorry I puked in your bed last night"
My liver was like a college freshman on spring break. It would've danced topless on tables if it could have.
Like "oh its Monday, gotta get wasted today!" not "oh its Monday.. Gotta go to class"
She keeps asking if I've seen him... For the last time YES... IN MY BED LAST FRIDAY NIGHT AND THEN AGAIN SATURDAY MORNING
Someone had Captain Morgan and orange juice at the same moment I lost my hangover and I just had to give it a try.
I'll check it out in the morning. Tonight has been reserved for getting baked and covering myself in kittens because THAT IS AN OPTION.
Still not sure if my open-bar-week-long-trip to Cuba is the best idea as a congratulations-for-my-sober-february-challenge. My liver might just explode and give up.
I knew it was going to be good when he took off my bra and I only realized 5 minutes later
I should never be allowed to dance around children at weddings. I think I just insured that a 4 year old will be a future teen mom.
My sunday was babysitting three big, drunk, crying Swedes. Unless your day involved four or more giant drunk swedes I don't want to hear about it.
Pooled our money and rented a bouncy castle for the day. Get over here now. Bring vodka.
Nothing like having a family watch you dry heave at the end of the dock
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