And i was thinking, 'i'm happy to be underneath you, but i wish you weren't doing THAT.'
I just saw a woman point to her daughter and scream at her husband THIS IS YOUR GENES, THIS IS YOU.
currently walking past a fire hyrdrant with a hose already attatched.. this could be dangerous..
The best part was her genuine shock and total "I didn't know" look when we said she couldn't cook a steak in a microwave.
Have you seen my high heels that I wore out?
You mean the one that you threw at the parked cop car or the one in the microwave?
Well you broke that rule when you put it in your mouth.
Dude in front of me just jumped out of line at Starbucks to go puke. Vegas in prime form.
I need a Xanax. A Veggie Delight. And exhibition style sex.
I deem it safe for us to drink together again.
They dropped the charges?
Yeppers. Come drink beers.
There is blood on my sheets, we apparently used 8 towels, everything in my shower is knocked down. Wut?
The only word that describes how much hair I shaved off of my ass is "considerable".
My sobriety has gotten out of control. I think I need an intervention.
Last night I was introduced as the Picasso of getting fucked up so I obviously had to live up to it by chugging long islands
Btw, you owe me. One (1) orgasm.
Go have a frustration cry and get over it
Randomize
