You went from loaded cattleman, to football player, to better football player, to art major from Missouri. Your future was looking so good for a while.
Well, he sent me "techno kitty adventure" about 10 minutes ago. So, he could be anywhere.
Best dream ever last night. You moved here. Your Spanish name meant highway. Your favorite food was styrofoam.
I have a gash on my leg an a lobster leg in my purse.
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Just to prove a point, she called and ordered a pizza 10 min before she ordered the blow and it still got here first. I may never leave LA.
I told you!!! And that is why he's the drug dealer to the stars.
You were upset that she was flirting with your boyfriend so I thought the best game plan was to show her my boobs and get her to make out with me instead. I am the greatest friend on absinthe.
Our house rule in beer pong, is that if you get the ball in the bitch cup.... you have to snapchat your balls to everyone on your friends list.
You should be able to leave recommendations on Tinder.
Yes, ur purse got stole with our condo keys in it but my slut ass saved us and we had a place to stay, AND I got to choke a motherfucker while riding him. Thats taking one for the team.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I just had a flashback to me puking and you telling me it was okay because my boobs still looked awesome.
It's really hard to tweet with a pussy in your face demanding attention.
Jello shots? I thought you weren't drinking tonight.
Im not drinking im slurping
You shouted “im bobby labonte!” In the process of shoutgunning a beer. He said you were too redneck for him...
Dude, A DAMN CHEESEBURGER HIT ME IN THE FACE!!! WTF was i suppoused to do!?.
Maybe I’ll just go to the party as myself
What, a homewrecker?
Touché
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