How does everyone that never saw me naked know I'm built like a smurf?
I never Thought the day id see a chick shove a 2liter up her vag. that happened last night
how lazy do you have to be to be a fat vegetarian?
My favorite part was when he stopped, looked up in the middle of performing oral sex and asked, "you did know it was Arbor Day, right?"
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I'd like to bring you 40 virgins and treasure chests of gold to make you feel better
You took my underwater blowjob virginity.
You slapped the bar and yelled "daddys thirsty!" at the lady behind the bar
To be fair I was thirsty
When she told you not to yell you looked directly at me and screamed "Man, she sucks!"
Found out my grandpa had two wives and found out I'm eligible for some internships 11/10 would do acid again.
I'd rather have snapchat than feelings.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
lesbians are really intense tho, she made me take her eye makeup off and told me she was going to eat me for breakfast
Jus had a dream that I borrowed bob dylans car to save us from a pack of raptors. Pretty stoked about it.
So adding to the list of things my boobs can do, sweeping with a broom is apparently a thing.
I think he just shit his pants. Yep he did. That's unfortunate.
What use have I for dignity? It just get's in the way of the really fun stuff.
Any luck with the purse?
No, though I did find her weed. Also her sons name is King. I'm uncertain how I feel about that
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