He just got home drunk. He ate 5 snack cakes, said Little Debbie's his bitch, went upstairs and fell asleep.
Some guy just stopped me in the bar and asked if I had a shot named after me at another bar called God damn my VaJana hurts? He already knew my name was Jana so I couldn't deny it!
After he finished his girlfriend called him. I sat there, tied his shoes for him, then he high fived me and said "this is gonna be a great summer steph"
I threw up sweet potatoes. Worst thing to throw up ever. They came back mashed.
Drinking games this Saturday as usual although the ice cube tray game is banned due to last weeks incident
You're an asshole. I don't want your dick as my background. I'll look like I have a thumb fetish.
Drunken snow shoveling. Visiting my family is starting to become a seriously risky venture.
There was this blissful moment of peace and quiet... then you ran past our window with a lit firecracker in hand going, "SHIT. SHIT. SHIT!"
I'm going to pretend you don't watch My Little Pony and focus on your large cock. Kay? Don't bring it up again.
It's 5AM and I just stirred weed butter into ramen noodles. This is not where I expected to be at 30. ...But, hey, getting high off noodles.
I don't remember much, but I remember he called me the dick whisperer, so it must not have been all bad.
I made soup. Now I'm having post soup making wine. I had pre soup making wine also.
He started out in my roommates bed and by the end of the night was in mine, not sure how that went down. But he left happy in the morning.
What? I'll do just about anything if you give me a sticker.
All I want is to get shitfaced and fuck random strangers is that really to much to ask?
Randomize
