You're so nebulous sometimes
You were so drunk you tried to sell your salsa to everyone on the restaurant.
I can't wait until next week, when I find out what drunk me added to the Netflix queue.
He's really hot. I think he's gonna be my reason to shave this winter.
She sucked my dick while i watched james bond. And they say marriage sucks
All I need is the Internet and a place to drink.
3 for 3 on getting girls who say "yolo" at the bar to have anal. Not the motto I live by, but it has changed my life.
Erry day erry day!
Note to self don't give these guys your number. I've seen more dick tonight than a proctologist sees his whole career
Crowning achievement. I bought ranch dressing and emergency contraception.
You came out of your room naked under your open robe with a mouth full of brownie on a stick and grabbed a fistful of fruit loops and shoved them into your already full mouth.
Sorry for yelling at you, I'm just really emotional about missing comicon.
I'm at a first year old's birthday party and a midget dressed as a cop just showed up. Word is we're going to toss and bowl with him. Updates to come.
He corrected my spelling during sexting.
Don't come up here. Strippers r crying.
I guess we coulda said a little less mature audience and a little more e for everyone.
Randomize
