I just saw a stripper wear a tube top around her floppy gut. God bless Michigan.
true best friends attempt to put quarters in each others butts. Thanks for the best birthday ever!
Angelique from Rock of Love is now doing phone sex commercials for central illinois....id say she's going places.
Dude. The girls called me over to see what they had in their dorm. They snuck in a pigeon in a cardboard box. They named it Quincey. They swear they're sober.
But i don't feel like talking to him right now. I woke up an hour ago to a picture of his penis and I AM NOT A MORNING PERSON.
When you consider the sheer number of events that had to occur in order to prevent me from fucking her, there must be a god
Hey history final, how's it feel to be raped in the ass by my steel cock of ACADEMIC PERFECTION?
you are way too vulgar to be a girl
Are you alive?
I googled "I don't want to vomit anymore," and "how to rip out your uvula," at 9 am this morning, but I'm still here. Uvula and all.
So somebody asked her is she's okay.She turned around,started running and screamed "Ballet is running through my veins" before doing a small pirouette.It's amazing how she managed not to fall.
bad night - i tried for naughty librarian but could only manage to pull off pissed off barrista.
Made a pan flute out of the varyingly empty beer bottles on the table. Played a glorious tune that paid tribute to the winds.
I have got to stop letting people hang ornaments from my nipple ring.
Tis the season.
That's the last time I send a mass text invitation to smoke a blunt
WELL THEN WHAT DAY IS IT?!?! This whole having to choose between ruining my future and ruining my liver is totally killing my vibe
totally just bought a bottle of gin with nothing but change
don't ever let anyone tell you that youre not 100% class
Randomize
