Is it weird if i grunt like Tim Taylor when im having sex AND grilling steaks??
apparentely "Beer Pong Champ" is not a profession, no wonder they havent called me back......
told ya
I cant date a girl that sucks dick at sucking dick
Must be January. Theres a fat chick on an elliptical wearing khaki capris. Someone doesnt own any workout clothes
at least franzia made me throw up pretty colors.
I think we can all look back on last night and categorize it under, " reason why Cory can't be left at the bar by himself"
He threw up in the campfire, the alcohol in his puke caught on fire. Im marrying this man
Finals are done.. I just wanna get drunk and pretend I'm a seahorse.
It is 9pm, let the ass parade to the bars begin
Escorted out of jimmy johns because I refused to leave with my dog. Stole a loaf of bread on the way out.
I left the bar I'm on a bench across from the bowling alley taking a nap please come get me. I've had three lollipops.
I decided not to look up the nudes, because I believe that there is a line, and that mocking my old classmate's horrid nudes alone crosses that line.
Me saying I wish i was a better person + me pretending I don't want to fuck on my period = me lying
So you completely disappeared from my memory last night at about my 15th Jager bomb. But only you. No one else.
I just tried to dye my pubic hair teal for her
Randomize
