I have to look really hot tonight because my personality is going to suck.
we just made rock paper scissors into a drinking game
truck drivers should not leave their trucks unlocked with cigarettes inside when we're drunk and walking around.
future-me showed up mid trip and gave us a thumbs up.
I've got to admit, I'm a little hesitant about giving him road head. I've seen how he drives and I've seen how he acts when I give him head. A small part of me is saying this is going to end badly.
I just had my first boner in 64 days today....glad to find out my fluids are still pumpin
I know how to make vodka btw in case you want to come over and do a science project
We're all just looking at each other quietly, hoping that no one brings up last nights shenanigans.
I respect your roll as DD and there're am required to respect your vehicle
Celebrated the veterans I suppose, my mouth tastes of gin and black outs
I just had to go dumpster diving, at 3am, in the rain, because I realized that I somehow threw away the brand new package of birth control pills I picked up from the pharmacy this afternoon. So I'm sort of a responsible adult.
Listen. You dont know how advanced you are in yoga till you have to shave your butthole
I'm pretty sure the rest of my evening will consist of masturbating, drinking tequila and watching children's movies.
I'm armed with nothing but $4 lip gloss gum and my phone. Ready to take on the fucking world.
Tell me why I woke up with your dads construction shirt on, nothing else, and had jelly donuts with a note from a girl named cathryn that said "we had a kinky night with peanut butter". p.s. Im by the layin by the lawnmower
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