I am sitting on my kitchen floor drunk with a bottle of jose cuervo, tryin to make cinnamon rolls and write a paper. I love college
You took shots of captn out of a empty percocet bottle, i just saw you fall threw the floor of rock bottom.
The bender is in full force. After 2 bloody mary's at breakfast we are now drinking vodka redbull "as a precaution" so we will stay awake for the club tonight.
I'd steal beers with my tail. If I were a monkey.
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My financial advisor pointed out that 37% of my income is currently going towards "non-essential food items"
That's banker lingo for "you're an alcoholic"
NEVERCLEAR, NEVER AGAIN.
i'm traumatized. his orgasm face consisted of him looking like my dead grandfather and burping.
That's the second time in a week someone has called me to talk drunk you into getting up off the floor. This needs to stop.
Last thing I remember was wondering why there was a mirror on the wall behind the urinal and then realizing I was pissing in the sink.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Her craziness is the sexiest thing about her.
I can't wait to read your obituary.
We should. Taco Bell definitely gives me the shits though.
It's girls night. No shame, just febreeze
with the possibility that i could very easily fall in love with him and i've actually talked to my HUSBAND about it
I'm on the fast track to lesbian land
I need to stop acting like a porn star that isn't getting paid
Nothing wrong with a little cat scratch fever. You have toys?
A few, plus a dildo molded from a porn star that I've always been too intimidated of to actually use, but it's the apocalypse, and momma didn't raise no quitter.
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