Hi, this is ****, we hooked up a few weeks ago. I was wondering, do you have any STDs?
apparently my drunken alterego is a lazyeyed bisexual.
is it bad that i kinda- ok, reallyyy don't remember having sex with him last night?
i just woke up at 8pm naked in my bed, with a fresh haircut. I wonder what barber i went to.
I woke up and found 10 txts from him. All sent at 6:30 am, and all about the muffin man.
She started ignoring us once we told her we were out to celebrate your abortion. Who knew strippers could be judgemental?
We left your bucket of puke on your doorstep to clean out yourself. You're welcome.
Carpeing THE FUCK out of that diem
I need a "closed for the season, thanks for a great summer" sign for my vagina
Seriously, webMD this shit for me, I cant move and I dont wanna die until I have something worth fighting over in my will
If you've never been partying there before, take Shae with you. Drunk Shae is like a GPS. She found us the only bottle shop still open at four, a pot dealer, and told us all which subway to take to get home. She'd never been to Madrid before. It was awesome.
btw my frat has a search out for you. the "girl who threw up in the middle of the party" but it was on some fat girls. so thank you.
I went on a psycho cleaning spree so I feel I've earned the right to spend the day in bed watching porn and eating sausage biscuits. If you bring alcohol you can join me.
All other girlfriends are inferior. You are the chosen one.
Please don't tell me that blonde guys name is Matthew I won't be able to fuck a guy with my brothers name
We need to stop smoking. I just ran into a glass door.
Randomize
