I'm exhausted and I have velveeta stuck in my teeth
Did you eat out Derrek's girlfriend again?
She was so bad on top that i found myself watching a TV that wasn't even turned on
I'm not really sure how I got home, but judging by this headache, i'm assuming it involved bourbon.
Your sister got a Brazilian yesterday. It looks great
Making a drinking game out of jeopardy does not mean you studied..
I am so 35 right now. Listening to REM, drinking red wine, and crying over an article about ecstasy in oprah magazine.
oh my god, just saw a man throw up in a trashcan and blood came out of his nose. HES GETTING ON MY BUS. HES SITTING ACROSS FROM ME. FUCK.
I think my vagina is phsycic. All day it tingled and then BAM Channing Tatums look alike fucks me like ive never been fucked in my life.
I'm getting a collar when he gets back in to town! That's like the bdsm equivalent of getting his class ring!
I think we have it figured out.. She's my wife when she's here and gives me advise on how to get ass when she's 1500 miles away.
That last one reminds me of the time we smoked that foot-long joint and by the time we'd finished we were so stoned we applauded it.
You'd think it'd be fun living next door to a guy whose neck you once licked. Surprise, it's not.
i was making a gravity bong in my room and my dad walked in. he helped me finish. i love being home for the holidays.
They think I'm one of them. I'm about to get drunk in a Santa suit and bust down the door singing Christmas carols.
God help them if any millennials are in the vicinity. Rent is too high and we no longer fear death
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