Facebook is asking me which Pokemon I'd be. Is there one whose only moves are gay sex and reading Adrienne Rich?
Currently looking for a new liver on ebay. Struggle.
how the fuck did you end up in georgia? you were here at my party dry humping some chick 2 hours ago
so you mean to tell me that there is no way you can get me?
I KNOW you don't honestly think you can pay me back in lotto tickets.
I woke up to three texts telling me to "go fuck myself," a panicked voicemail from my mom, and a girl thanking me... I'm not sure which I should take care of first
Its so hard looking at my mom and pretending I'm not dying a slow death of binge drinking
Ever since I told them the story of the sex in the canoe scandal its like I am in season
I think I'm getting too used to throwing up in the reception trash can. It doesn't even phase me anymore
doing a walk of shame covered in blue food coloring is only embarrassing if you make it embarrassing...actually no its embarrassing on all accounts
My blowjobs put them in a state of relaxation similar to that of getting hit with a tranquilizer. The fear comes after the sex.
she's the poster child for how alcoholism can be fun.
Holy shit my cat won't leave the lube alone
Dave is getting a lap dance to the venga boys
this is not a drill
Ik youre sleeping but fyi its 5:32am I'm sitting in the middle of the road bra less and shoeless with boxers in my hand and no ride. Shits real crazy.
Yelled "don't taze me bro" as the police officer tazed me. Cross it off the list.
Randomize
