PS the last 3 guys I've hooked up with were a CEO, a mechanical bull operator and a magic the gathering player...I need a type...
Ur type is ready and willing
I swear if I see one more guy in a v-neck and fedora I'm going to punch someone in the balls. This is philly, you're not supposed to look like Ryan Cabrera
Yeah getting kicked out of the bar at 1 pm really set the tone for the day.
We have a tower of vodka coming. OF VODKA
I still don't understand how I went from crying to blowing you in like two minutes.
Dude next time u fuck on our counters will u please let me know BEFORE I make lunch.
Almost just stuck my dick in my bong for no reason
I never thought that at some point in my life I would end up in the back of a cop car dressed as Pumba #HakunaMatata
Living alone for four weeks has given me unrealistic expectations of pantslessness.
The main motivators in my life are my sex drive and spite
Don't worry I sent a creepy stalker message to a guy I slept with 6 years ago, Sunday Funday rock bottom
Does your balding hurt less when a 19 year old holds your hand?
We got cut off at the bar, but it's okay because I tactically rolled behind the bar and grabbed a bottle of whiskey. Meet me in the back booth when you're done puking in the bathroom. This is about to get real slutty.
What, That's like a total 7 inches of cock and 6 are from Joe. Don't be mad at me because you had the lamest orgy ever.
Apparently I drunkenly told him I was going to ride him to the rodeo and break him like a bronco, then I stole his nachos and beer. Adulting is hard!!!
Randomize
