Todays lesson: Chew your food better when your drunk. I almost choked throwing up this morning.
this girl im hooking up with thought my ring was a purity ring... apparently im taking it too slow
you were passed out snoring, face down with all your clothes still on and 20 minutes later you sat up and said "FUCK YES" and then passed out again.
she was wide awake when they drew a treasure map on her face the she passed out and they played like 7 games of tic tac toe haaa how was your new years
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
On an unrelated note, i found out who duct taped shoelaces to my face
All I know is that either you or I told a black guy that he looked like usher and he was sexy and that is our confession
Ugh did we play golf last night and did you by chance hit my head with a club or a ball?
I'd return your shirt, but it got all wet from lying on the bathroom floor while I was in the shower with Justin's roommate...
Keep it.
A guy in the dance floor is raising the roof with an axe in hand. I love Halloween.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
My CPA just snapchatted me a picture of her playing beer pong at a picnic. Time to do my own taxes?
what are you going as for halloween?
drunk, naked, & emotionally unstable
He referred to our sex as "an Olympic event." My tits are bruised.
Do you not realize that being Batman fulfills about 95% of my non-sexual fantasies?
You chugged Absolut from a beer bong. Why WOULDN'T you be a champion?
He just told me my boobs made up for all the bad things that had ever happened to him. I'm definately having sex with him again.
Randomize