Report just came out that Tim Tebow is a virgin but I have proof he is not. He's bent Florida State over the last four years in a row.
She has an album entitled "my photography", which consists of about 80 different pictures of a tractor that she took on her cell phone. I'm all for freedom of expression, but come on.
$1 margaritas. This happy hour needs to end.
Just went through the drive thru and got 18 free donuts in exchange for half a joint. Dunkin Donuts at midnight might become a nightly thing for us.
Is your answer to that text seriously a right parenthesis
You know its good night when theres makeup smears on the toilet seat
think of it as grooming, as if he is my Kate Middleton and I'm grooming him to be a presentable princess
There was a group of girls next to us. One was smiling at me. I only remember walking up and saying "oh you're Russian". Not sure where it went from there
see that vagina ? that vagina means business
How about we just have a naked taco night instead?
I just want a boyfriend who will have sex to Disney Pandora.
he brought with him gifts of cookie dough and penis. upgrading our relationship from fwb's to bf/gf was an incredibly smart merger.
I'm at a sex party and there's a guy in an ICP jersey and trip pants. I see now that this is the moment in the movie of my life I recognize I have a problem
Remember that time I came to London for 4 hours, got hammered, cried for an hour and then left.
She put her coat on went to leave and called me an asshole. I responded with "I never said I wasn't" and then she pounced on me like a cat on cat nip.
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