Its way too early to be sitting naked at his dining room table...
i was gonna tell him a really embarassing story about you, but then i remembered im in all of them
I may or may not be drunk driving a golf cart. Vegaaaassssssss.
jersey shore drinking game rules must be edited. almost died. how is it possible for a person to say guido that many times
Walked into a liquor store bleeding. That kind of night.
Succesfully slept on the roof at work for 3.5 hours without getting caught. I need a promotion
NEW RULE: NO INNAPROPRIATE CHOICES THAT INVOLVE GUNS. I LIKE IT. WRITE THAT DOWN.
I've gotta stop getting kicked out of bars for fighting with people over the accuracy of the Harry Potter movie.
She fuckin peed on me
Stay golden ponyboy
Just took an adderall with a shot of tequila while doing my makeup in the parking lot at work before I go in. I'm also late. They're so lucky to have me.
Plan B, arranged marriage to a rich Indian, is rapidly becoming Plan A. Fuck Finals.
Had a guy offer me a shot. But he wimped out when I asked for tequila and instead ordered gummi bear shots. I don't think he has balls. I didn't stick around to find out.
I'm treating this like a real date. My boobs aren't even out.
I'm so proud, I have tears
See? I told you no boy in roller skates could be entirely straight.
Just had to break it to that one guy that I can't sleep w him bc he looks identical to my brother. So how's your morning?
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