No offense but you kinda look like a Jack Johnson fan in that pic
I think the phrase "baptist college" should be an oxymoron.
It didn't get weird until she took off her underwear, looked down, and said "fill her up!"
i just opened a bottle of wine with my dads power tools
tried to order jimmy johns from the ER last night, the nurses did nottt approve
I hijacked a bellboy cart and rolled into the party dancing on it
I have no idea. But that is beside the point bc in vegas I'm a pro vball player from Ireland and a veterinarian on the weekends
That awesome feeling when you are pooping on the same toilet that nobel laureates have pooped on
My costume for the end of the world party was a success. Everyone in the ER thought I was there because I got hit by a car when it was actually from alcohol poisoning.
Babe.. You are farting in your sleep and it literally smells like something crawled up your asshole and died.. I'm gagging and I feel like I'm eating your fart right now. I want to tape your ass cheeks shut and plug up that canon you call your ass. All I hear is snores and farts.. You are lucky I love you
I sent "Rawrrrr" to 151 matches on Tinder. I feel like thats a substantial size of the DC female population.
Like I'm sorry but "it'll be fine trust me" IS NOT VERY REASSURING ASSHAT. Now take off your pants.
There's a kid in the back of the class drinking out of a flask. Like what is going on?
NOW HE'S DRINKING OUT OF A HANDLE. WHO IS THIS KID?
Fuck it, i havent messed around in half a year. I have sexual tension with a fire hydrant.
First walk of shame in 18 years. Divorce is going well.
Randomize
