So for his birthday I'm planning on doing what stripper did when she put the matches on her nipples..lights them n makes him blow them out..SEE I AM dating material.
you kept singing the copa cabana and saying HAVE A BANANA to random people on the street. you also went up to this poor short guy and hugged him while proceeding to yell I LOVE YOU CHILD MAN into his face. please tell me you're sober now
Do you think unemployment will give me a christmas bonus?
there were like 150 questions AFTER the application. you'd think for a store that has dick molding kits it'd be a joke
we did it on the golf course and he threw the condom in the pond. some poor fish is gonna choke on it
According to the stories I've heard I decided I was a stuntman after my 6th shot of Jack
I couldn't function. I was to the point where I was using a bottle cap as a monocle.
She was shaking her boobs and I was so high all I could think was "breast maracas"
God damn. I'm really starting to resent babies. They're everywhere. Like fucking land mines.
I have to sanitize my nipples and its just to cold in here for it to be ok
The moment buddy the elf found out he was human is exactly like the moment I realized I was gay
I woke up with my converse still on and a plate of pasta next to my face, if that gives you any indication of how my night went
Last night I actually told him I came with a washer and dryer
Ps can u get with my cousin? He's a freshman at uconn and he's very attractive but like were related....
To potentially get me laid, I need you to send me your favorite memes.
Randomize
