You can't wash away shame.
I can try.
His pickup line was "I'll eat you out"
He did it well too
it's like everything I expected to see tonight all put together in one at once
that is the greatest description ever
I wish I had a dollar for every time I've slept off a late night I dont want to remember in my recliner.
even my worst enemy doesn't deserve a bush like that
All of my current injuries can be related back to sex.
The cab driver had me sign for the payment and I was like give me a second while I throw up right outside your door.
just saw someone climb out of the dumpster at cvs and start walking down the street like it was completely normal
Why is there a muffler in the livingroom?
First, I just want to say that I had nothing to do with it. Second, how good is your car insurance?
If throwing a bottle across the bar, hitting a skank in the head and not getting caught was an Olympic event, you'd bring merica the gold every time
It takes a special friend to go vibrator shopping with
Yes. It does.
My weirdest encounter with a stranger though was when for some reason they just gave me a box of unopened socks. Needless to say, I never used them.
Well he had a nice beard and it smelled good so there was no way I wasn’t going home with him.
Watching Colbert Report and porn at the same time.
hey im sorry i made fun of the color of your sheets, but like it was all i could focus on during sex because they were just THAT UGLY
Randomize
