well..after leaving the bar you handed me your wallet and said you didnt need it cause you were going to find the cash cab and added 'i'll see you on tv'
I told her the white crusty stuff on my boxers was frosting not cum. She seemed MORE grossed out then
today he pulled me aside to show me a lawn mower that he drew above his pubes. I saw his pubes in all their glory. Right there. In spanish class. Hola.
A horse told me not to drive home last night. I think there was a cop on top of it.
It's 10am. I'm hungover wearing a flyers jersey and a phillies hat and eating a cheesesteak. I'm not the only one. Best city ever.
I respect the size of her balls.
Yeah but I don't respect the size of her anything else.
As i was laying there shouting that he dislocated my hip he actually reached his armed around and patted himself on the back
Who has the safety vest from this past weekend Additionally, who has the dancemaster glove?
Just reminding you that you are currently drunk spooning a chair saying it "loves you unconditionally". No more rum.
So he came on my stomach this morning and I totally forgot about it until after you poured that body shot.
Oh you know, the usual. We had a good date, I took her back home, she took off my pants, laughed, and left.
I'm to the point of desperation where I stare at customers penis imprints through their pants all day
Tried to shave my legs but the rug burn on my knees from last night got in the way.
I told my coworker that I'd get him some edibles because he wants to rekindle his marriage. I'd better get some good karma out of this.
I just walked by a dude at the gym covering himself in olive oil.
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