Why are you such a perv today?
This is a lot to handle
Oh shh
I'm kidding you prude take a joke
then she came back into the room with a neckbrace on. i thought she was getting ready for the pounding of a lifetime.
so... my grandma just told me i should be a stripper
well at least shes not calling you fat anymore
i have received so many congratulations texts this morning. sleeping with him really was a good decision.
Who would have guessed that on my moms birthday she'd have sex with the door open. :(
How does one fall all the way up a flight of stairs? Its hard on me knowing that the survival of our species depends on me not reproducing.
Two penises later: I might be straighter than I think.
I will be sticking my dick in something this weekend. You can either be that something or not. Your decision.
I just got a nosebleed on a date at the cheesecake factory...
just run out of the bathroom with blood gushing down your face and scream "ITS IN THE CHEESECAKE!!!!!"
I will never understand why the dress to get laid party is always scheduled to be during family weekend. Its not even ironically funny.
This is a sacred holiday in the land of the free! I do what I want!
That rando I gave head to on the beach just endorsed me on LinkedIn for Oral Communication Skills. So there's that.
Also, totally got laid in my yellow rubber boots and it was awesome.
having flashbacks of licking salt of your dick for my shot of tequila
million dollar idea: razor dispensers in bar bathrooms. your welcome, girls who didn't think they were getting laid tonight.
Randomize
