i was watching iron chef and got motivated, so i made dinosaur chicken nuggets
One minute shes telling me about her volunteer work then she whips out a 12 inch dildo
We should write a comic book about the many adventures of your vagina. Maybe even give it a cape or something.
Wow, Pearl Harbor and The Notebook are on. Its like the Im going to kill myself marathon.
so i wake up and the chick who i had sex last night left her phone number. next to the number was a broken condom. should i call?
You are colorful like whore, yet adorable, like sad puppy. You need more drink.
I wonder if that one guy remembers you sticking salami to his forehead when he was passed out on new years eve.
That just sounds like a recipe for sex in my backyard. Yes.
be proud. or at least amused. an 18 yr old and a 25 yr old at least makes my average hookup age this week the same as my age.
If you ever feel goofy just think of the fact that I just shaved the batman symbol into my pubes
Alternately I could tell him western classical is just a series of events that had to happen for music to reach the point where Beyoncé was able to pen drunk in love, which is the pinnacle of humanity's artistic achievement thus far
I 100% barfed while bumping the DMX remix of reading rainbow
Someone signed my nipple.
I did a line off of, and then danced on top of a table older than this country.
Harvard is great.
I could see the visible disappointment when she saw my penis
Randomize
