I woke up and she had breakfast in bed for me
RUN RUN RUN RUN
Freshman orientation day on campus. Dear diary, JACKPOT.
The solution to mudbutt is never ever Clorox wipes. It stings soooooooo bad.
I think I can smell my own vagina right now
you have to give me like a days notice for these kinds of things, you cant just call at 9 am and expect me to be sober
do you think having her use a clorox disinfecting wipe on her vagina will keep me from getting her herpes if I don't have a condom?
it never fails, everytime he manages to fuck my earrings out of my ears.
New plan for Halloween: you dress as Waldo, I'll dress as Carmen San Diego. We can just hide in a closet drinking till someone finds us.
SEXX, SEXX, SEXX,SEXX,SEX SEX SEXXXXXXX SEX SEX SEX SEX SEX SEX SEXSEXSEXSEXSEXSEX SEXSEXSEXSEXSEX.\nimagine that to the can can song. also come to my house. theres a dance routine.
So, we estimated there is at least 40 pounds of boob in our house.
usual friday morning routine. the pants i wore last night are in my passenger seat and im rooting through the pockets trying to make exact change at the dunkin donuts drive thru
We were kinda loud so his roommate woke up and to make up for it he invited him to a threesome. I can't drink whiskey anymore.
I'm still drunk dear. I just woke up 3 feet from the front door with 20 dollars worth of taco bell in my hands.
All I fucking want right now is a cheeseburger the size of my face
Why does my mask smell like doritoes?
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