The guy i fucked last week got done first on the test in my 900 person class. If im pregnant at least it will be smart.
I woke up with a Nike swoosh shaved into my chest hair. my friend got 3 stitches. my phone had a text that simply read "fuck you". I say it was a good party.
according to the random from alabama i slept with last night i kept saying "poor lil tink tink" over and over in my sleep
Don't let her tell you any different. She licked the balls of my hamster for that $100. It was a group bet. She won.
Apparently my downstairs neighbors don't much appreciate it when I do drunk aerobics at 3am on a Wednesday...
He is the blood diamond of hook ups. You think you want it...but you don't
He snapchatted me the wine on the ceiling this morning
Don't be surprised if I hand out mini dildos on Halloween
Well sure, my hetero side is thrilled, but my gay side is soooo judging
So. Somehow managed to fuck my contacts out of my eyes. Didn't know that was even possible.
Although can we find me a starter dick? I don't want security showing up again. That was awkward.
yeah, i'm probably gonna die. still gonna be totally worth it tho
Just had a threesome for the second time in my life. I don;t even enjoy threesomes. Too much effort.
HOW DO THESE THINGS KEEP HAPPENING TO YOU?
Youre saying I should leave him? Have you seen the dating pool these days? It's terrifying, and in the capital region it's straight Norman Bates
Shelly has the weirdest luck. Dude offered her a job riding a bucking bronco and it was not porn or stripping but an actual g-d cow.
Randomize
