he called me a worthless slut and then went 2 the bathroom 2 pee on the floor before leavin. but he was really hot and he left his jacket, should i call him?
I just used dish soap as body wash. I smell like a dishwasher exploded. isn't the end of the semester fun?
i got us a cheese tray and a bottle of whiskey
ugh yes i love our date nights
you're going to have to hot glue me into my dress tonight. there's no way out.
Just saw a girl duct tape a cigarette back together..I feel like my life is shambles for being present for this
How's your threesome situation going?
Optimistic
Food poisoning on first date... Still rode the mechanical bull like a champ
If, when you wake up, you're wondering why you're in the bathtub, it's because when I tried to move you, you yelled that that was cheating and tried to kick me in the face.
Fair enough.
I'm gonna keep a minimum of five drink promise to myself
You mean maximum 5?
is there any kind of "im boning my neighbor and he happens to be a manager at walmart" discount that our new relationship entitles me to??
It's Friday the 13th and you just got boned by a guy named Jason....
the good news is that even if it's Alex's, I can still say it's Colin's, because the kid will come out ginger anyway!
who knew there'd be a plus side to your ginger fetish one day?
summer in europe = liver of steel
I accept that challenge.
Just made a drug contact standing in the sandwich line in the dining hall. Is this real life?
You're my fucking hero.
I don't want a big night. But I am okay if we wake up in a penthouse at Crown Casino.
Randomize
