It was laundry day and I was wearing last xmas undies. he took one look and went...you's a ho, ho, ho. my response you ask? for less dough, dough, dough. I'm a slut.
with a sacreligious after taste.
i wonder what thom yorke's orgasms sound like
i fell asleep on him beating off on webcam last night, i'm such a great boyfriend.
So my mom just called me into her room and showed me a condom wrapper she found in my room. "Oh that's from when I was like 16." I don't think that was very comforting.
She thought I was gay, so I told her I'd be more comfortable with anal. She agreed.
She woke me up, whispered "I like the size of your dick", kissed me, and rolled over and went back to sleep
Please please please buy brown eye liner on your way home in the morning... I'm missing an eyebrow
White people are beatboxing! Save me.
The sound of my own breathing is making my head throb. That hungover.
Cassie is wearing a baseball cap. This rebound is going nowhere
He stopped his car in the middle of ongoing traffic to ask me to marry him. Then he got pulled over. Yeah I'd say the slutty Dallas Cowboys costume was a success.
Your hotness may or may not have landed him in jail.
We just fucked each other sober. #goteam
Rum and your dick are involved. You're relying on the unreliable narrator.
i just sexted for my mom while she was driving, i have hit an all time low.
I think he is using me to sort through his relationship issues, past and present. I did not sign up for this. All I want is booty. Am I the dude in this relationship?
Randomize
