Any of you guys fuck a 16 year old again? Because our front yard got fucked over high school style.
you called me at 4 am to tell me you found the cracker barrel location where we'll have lunch next week
I'm currently trying to figure out how I woke up naked and handcuffed to my bed. Not real worried about class right now.
She was holding a turtle doing a beer bong out of a flower watering can.
The woman at the nail salon waxing my lip just showed me the strip with all the hair on it while smirking. Apparenltly 'you have a stache' can be communicated through a language barrier.
you started introducing us as kentucky and gentlemen
At the same time. Hot men feeding me brownies. In between rounds of sex.
Either call me back or tell me you're in jail. For fucks sake. If this is a cop, just help out. national league.
Idk. The last coherent text said something about $25 & dimes. And then...it's just letters...
Damn, well, it could always be worse
For sure, I could be a prison bitch right now. Thursdays aren't half bad
Why are we so great
Like I'm def going to a therapist but I wouldn't change a thing about us except maybe the peeing
I'll do my best. he just keeps yelling beer and doing dick helicopters
99% of the contents of my handbag are ketchup packets and condoms. I feel that says a lot about me as a person.
They just made me take another shot and I found out the liquor store next to my brothers house has a petting zoo
Mind. Blown.
Side note: I apologize for sex being the subject of every single one of my texts. That's what happens when you date an older man who constantly denies you sex on the basis of his ridiculous morals.
Randomize
