Im in the beachers at wrigley listening to four lesbians debate the pros and cons of 2girls1cup. Success.
They should make a Rosetta Stone that allows men to understand what the fuck women are actually trying to say.
the guy that filmed erin andrews naked got 27 months in jail. Every man that's seen it should send him cigs and a nail file baked in a cake. We owe it to him.
Yes, you did come over last night. You also tried to give my dog a blowjob. You got rejected.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
You woke up in the middle of the night and told me we won the sweepstakes, the penis sweepstakes.
Woke up at 4:30am to my little brother shaking me. Apparently I fell asleep naked on my kitchen table waiting for the toaster to pop. 2 years of college completed and i still havent learned my drinking limit...
Ok, let's play "if you were a slut" again and try and retrace our steps last night..
drove into oncoming traffic. add a minute to my ETA
You almost make it sound as if getting an education to further your career is more important than beer and tacos.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Eating my shrimp pasta on the porch with a 40, wearing a Hawaiian shirt, proclaiming "I GOT SCRIMPS." I just jumped the shark of college.
Holy. Fuck. This mans mouth is magical. I love married men. I don't have to teach them.
Called my house today and my 10 year old brother answered and asked if I was still in jail
NO BABIES. YOUR VAGINA WILL BLEED WITHIN A FORTNIGHT.
He once bought a dildo and put fifty dollars and a happy anniversary note in the battery compartment I gotta lock him down while hes available
I’ll call you later. There’s a jilted trophy wife looking for a revenge fuck at my door
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