I heard Topanga got a DUI. I need that mugshot asap.
I wish Michael J Fox could read me bedtime stories
He could rock you to sleep
you just kept swimming in circles and whenever someone would try and coax you out you would scream "i CANNOT drown, my brother is the supervisor of a water park!!
im not gonna bother asking u how it was... we could hear u through the walls
He got 20 stiches.. Who knew so much damage could come from a single shopping cart.
She was shaking her boobs and I was so high all I could think was "breast maracas"
you are my patron saint of "too drunk for 9am". i just keep asking myself what would alyssa do as i try to regain motor function
Shes sitting on the front porch puking in to the pumpkin she just carved...in the rain. I guess pumpkin spice tequila shots wasnt our best idea.
He's telling everyone that the only reason he's at this party is to hook up with me. SOS HELP.
This isn't fair. Why can't sober me be good at bejeweled?
Got another job?
If by job you mean clever way of getting free tattoos, then yes. I got another job.
Nothing says "I Love you" like my dick in a pizza box
he bit THROUGH my nipple
plus side, no need to pay for a piercing.
Walked into the bathroom and saw a Minion eating out Harley Quinn so this Halloween will be hard to top.
I apparently sent an offer letter to, and then subsequently onboarded, the wrong candidate. How's your Monday?
Randomize
