She was lying in bed moaning while eating a Snickers and masturbating.
twelve hours since my last beer and i just blew a .08, time to go to the library
He passed out mid-signature
How did your new apartment party go last night?
I'm really happy i have a bigger bathroom to puke in.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
does anyone know how to get red sharpie out of a white cat?
The girl in the white might have stds. I'm strangely okay with this.
Funny how often beer equates to second degree burns on some portion of my body.
He was just laying on the stairs and then screamed, "Is that a clubhouse?" I haven't seen him since
you kept telling her you'd make a great step-dad while cuddling her and rubbing her back...
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I posted my balls on ericas instagram. It got 17 likes.
Just be happy that you're the pretty friend. Otherwise you would have had to walk home alone, like me.
Can rosie odonnell just not be a lesbian? Shes stressing me out, knowing we bat for the same team.
How could she say that about my foreskin when she hasn't even seen all the cool stuff I can do with it?
Just ate Panda Express. Fortune cookie had no fortune in it. I actually prefer this. Less broken dream potential.
My sister can't give you a handjob and us still be bros.
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