He said I taste like butterscotch, licked me, then I'm pretty sure he wet his pants. So no, I do not want to invite him over.
Oh no it's bring yor chld to work day...I'm too drunk for this
she was handing out condoms w/ her number on them...
it took me 7 solid minutes to realize "egggGSaucetingf" meant "exhausting"
Well still if someone cared enough about u to wish an unwanted child or a disease on u ..u must have been doing something right
Did i tell you my idea for my life plan? Not the one that involves stripping.
Last thing I ever expected to say, "Get your finger out of my ear or I will stop sucking your dick."
I'm spending tomorrow with her. What should my ridiculous personal goal be? I've already got a blowjob while eating a cupcake
after the fucking you spent twenty minutes vomiting naked and shaking your dick at my roommates. luckily, i don't remember that, or i'd have to be really insulted.
I think my boss gives me work off weekends because he doesn't want me showing up hungover anymore..
Holy shit, we're married as fuck.
are you fucking roseanne barr in there?
My talents include parallel parking and over reacting about absolutely everything.. And drinking..
I swear I was in Legend of Zelda Twilight Princess and American Ninja Warrior at the same time. I'm never getting high while rock climbing again.
So, do I need to remind you to keep it classy tonight?
No, because if you have to be reminded it isn't classy.
Randomize
