her nipple to breast ratio was just odd
I dont think problem is the right word. Problems arent something you enjoy. Life would be too boring without gambling.
he said 'i want to be the peanut butter to your jelly, just without the crust' and then tried to take me shirt off
He still hasn't made a move, so I slept with his brother last weekend. Maybe sibling rivalry will motivate........
She went home with him because he works at Jimmy John's and his car "smelled like meat"
How many times do I have to drunk reject you for our friendship to become awkward? Cause were at 9 as of last night
Her life is filled with shit luck. Its like mother nature is having her period and just taking it out on her specifically.
A beer is a heart your wish makes!!!
I've got my wine, though it wasnt very good so I threw a sour patch kid in it
I gave him my yeast infection. HOW THE FUCK DOES THAT EVEN WORK?
We need large glitter to throw at people to signify our mystic nature
Fuck their feelings and their drinks they will get hit with sparkly confetti
Do I really need this much space in my mouth?
Are you already high?
I'm about 95% it's a collapsed lung. Go big right?
he's a fucking beast. people that don't even know him have started calling him "puke and raleigh"
My liver is fucking rocky. Get knocked down 7 times and gets up 8. World champ
Randomize
