just gave a homeless man a kiss in exchange for two handles
exact location. now.
it's gonna be a chat room kind of night
Just found out they make medicinal lollipops, bought like 40 of them. Gonna go fill a pediatricians lollipop bowl.
Under someone's bed. Not sure whose. I think they're sleeping in it.
He told me to put on my big boy pants, then take them off and fuck her before he smacks me with a chair. His pep talks suck.
before we left she put a post-it on the floor next to the toilet saying she was a pretty pretty princess
I'm convinced my penis is the only thing holding this relationship together.
HOLY FUCK COMFIEST CHAIR EVER
Serious question: Should I volunteer to get tazered? My instincts say no but my wild side says yes.
Spending 4 hours in the emergency room today tells me that your birthday party was a success.
I couldn't finish the episode and had to lay down because the snapple commercial with the mustache was blowing my mind
He yearns for your heart.
He needs to stop being a pussy about it.
I'm drinking vodka. Get ready for my famous "come over" mass snapchats
What's life without a pregnancy scare?
As he put it in he shouted "geronimo!"
Wow... So was the sex good?
Yeah but it doesn't matter. My vagina is not a pool.
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