Went to bed at 4 in a strangers bed. woke up wearing scrubs, realized i was gonna be late for work so i just wore the same clothes as the day before... i don't have a toothbrush and im pretty sure there is leftover semen in my mouth. at some point i think i was at the beach cuz theres is sand in my underwear. i love newport already.
naighbors jacking off again. i swear its his friday night ritual, its like he knows the night wont be ending in his favor
In other news I saw a pack of make believe zombies walking down green st.
gotta love wednesdays
you made sure to tell everyone that the amount of people you had slept with was actually quite low, especially when the size of your breasts was taken into account
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
you act like breakfast cereal isnt an entirely appropriate chaser
In a min. With a stripper at the hospital. Business. Not pleasure.
We learned a lot about one another. I showed him around the town I grew up in and he informed me that he has had a threesome and killed a cat
hes supposed to be my fuck buddy. im not supposed to see him on his knees praying by my bed when i walk into my room.
We'll I told him I wanted to keep it PG last night, but then later I asked him to take his pants off. So i'm guessing it was my fault.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I can't turn my head to the left, I'm pissing out of my ass, and my finger went through the toilet paper today... I need you.
We passed out in his car so I had to find a way to inconspiciously make my walk of shame back inside to go get my shit. To make things more difficult I had no pants and the whole neighborhood was awake
I ripped my favorite jeans crossing that fence
That sucks
It's an upgrade! I didn;t even have to unzip my pants to pee!
He tried to convince me that it wasn't really that small and all he had to do was pull back the groin fat. It was still small.
You shouted, "LOOK I'M HAWKEYE," and beaned mike with a dildo from across the room.
Someone who makes you cum so hard that you have an asthma attack is clearly your soulmate
Randomize