No, computers are like whores. moody bitches that cost too much and no matter how much protection you have you can still get a virus
Just woke up. I have a "Detective Jacob Arnold's" business card in my pocket.
I don't remember how we paid for the cab. I do however remember giving him my heels 2 help with the bill.
You made me wash my hair in the kitchen sink while eating bay leaves
We have a hundred jello shots. Lines will be crossed.
No, seriously, I've slept with 3 guys this month.
It's ok, February is a short month
today i was walking through gramercy with a dress bag from David's Bridal and a bag of McDonald's. No guy would make eye contact with me as I scarfed down my fries. I think I was mankind's walking night terror.
I should make a collage of all the pictures of me caught doing slutty things
We call her skankles because she's a skank and she has cankles, I thought that was obvious
Realistically you can't tell me you're gonna put mashed potatoes on your dick and expect me not to get excited
First of all she starred talking about God which immediately killed my buzz
I just want to buy drugs without having to pay an arm and a leg for it. Is that a horrible thing to ask for?
I mean, it's not like you can exactly complain to the manager and higher ups about it.
I'm in love. Her name is Jamie. She's beautiful. She punched me in the face.
Dude i just passed out while getting head...she cried
My bald co-worker just chugged a literal gallon of coffee. My condolences to his kidneys.
Randomize
