also, you're talking to the girl for whom "deformed baby arm" wasn't quite a dealbreaker.
she texted him the burrito order while she was puking in the Del Taco parking lot...
He kept screaming "it's so seductive" while he was humping the wall
Either he was jacking off or having a seizure next to me in bed. Either way, I was too lazy to help.
We had on the same team jersey so at the time it made sense to hook up.
Duh.
I woke up this morning with a wristband and I thought I went to the hospital last night I actually went ice skating instead
So the first 4 hours of my morning was equivalent to seeing under water. Things were starting to get better until I remember I drank mustard for free stuff and flossed my teeth with a strand of hair from a stranger in the bathroom.
Everything smells like blood and olive oil.
I have nothing to lose. And a bunch of dick to gain.
I poured somre cereal, realized the chocolate to flake ratio was off, tried to fix it by digging through the box, gave up because of the difficulty level, and poured it back in the box. Being high is the best diet.
He was lasting forever and I couldn't take it so I faked an asthma attack
I planned out my poor life choices for the weekend.
I just want a guy who will spank me, fuck me, then take me to my office xmas party. I'd that too much to ask?
I think I'm gunna glue a sign to my head that says "WAKE ME UP BEFORE 7!" And go to sleep and hope a kind passer by wakes me up for my exam .
Coffee and girl scout cookies. Breakfast of champions.
Get fucked.
Randomize
