Memo to self- delete texts about butt sex from you before giving my mom my old phone to use.
So gin and wine won't be happening again
what has two thumbs and is going to bang you boss on monday?
Sorry I had passed out by this time I think, with the chicken fingers ON my face in my bed, with all the lights on, and ketchup all over.
What baked good do you think says thanks for being a great tutor, lets bang?
The cute guy in my class hurt himself and is on crutches. My first thought was "Good. He'll be easier to take down." Like he's a gazelle and I'm a dick tiger. What's wrong with me?
You're fucking beautiful as shit and we should have loving sex...
We mailed him an 18 inch double headed dildo for his birthday. The Fedex guys certainly got a laugh out of it.
He literally wrote out a schedule. On it, there's a taco break, and a spot where I start crying.
Just scratched my head and I basically rained glitter.
Is this because I accidentally peed on you?
i told them you weren't like that.. and they laughed at me?
It involves me, my best friend, and a stripper and her mother.
Also: that bruise on my leg where you left like 3 sets of teeth marks keeps getting run into the corners of desks and shit. And I can't even complain to anyone at work
My younger brother asked me "to stop fucking his girlfriends older sisters"
Randomize
