if you don't let us come over today i'm not taking the second plan b pill. your call.
possible father of this baby just finished his test first in a lecture of 200 people. other possible father finished about 100th.
I'm rooting for #1.
It's 3 am and my parents just came up the driveway in a limo. They didn't leave in a limo. I'm scared to even ask.
I just took a shit in a BP station. It seemed appropriate since they are shtting in our ocean.
You need to take one for the team and go bang a random sample of mexicans. Cause my internets broke and I can't google mexican foreskin stats.
If u were an xman, what would ur power be? I would shoot lasers from my boobs.
You told them to let you give him stitches claiming you were a certified nurse because you've taken plant biology classes
not the best booty call
did she squirt?
only if tears count
Where the condoms are as broken as my dreams
We're about to play the try not to vom at the president's house game...
I convinced a German girl that I was born while my mom was water skiing and I preceded to barefoot ski behind her via the umbilical cord...
Blowing a married man is so much more important than a 12 year olds basketball game.
My ex boyfriend just amazon primed me a vibrator...guess I seemed stressed?
I don't know if I'm more disturbed by the fact that you hooked up with a dude with one arm, or that "hook up with a dude with one arm" was on your bucket list.
If I get my period the weekend your parents are gone i'm removing my uterus.
Randomize
