escape the fate? dumbest band name ever. how about escape the fart. now that is a show i would go see!
she just asked me to help her create a twitter page for edward cullen's hair.... seriously.
It could have went better. They kicked us out of the casino and I drunkenly whipped her across the face with a fishing pole. Long story.
Can you explain to me how i got kicked out of a bar last night, from outside the bar?
NO. NO LET HIS PENIS TOUCH YOU.
Leaving someone plastered on a corner at 3am telling them to just scream for cock is NOT being a good wingman.
The only thing worse than being arrested is the fact the cop confiscated my green dinosaur costume.
Last night was the twilight zone. We hungout with our 45 year old future selves and tried to fuck everything with a dick. Lets move forward from this.
Before you even think your day was worse than mine, I had to disinfect and and stitch another dude's penis after his prince Albert got ripped out by an angry chick.
I told her that I was going up to my room to lay in front of a fan without pants on, watching Avengers and she still wanted to get with me. I have to marry her.
IT'S SUMMA TIME
ITS SUMMA TIME NOT BE HIGH ALL THE TIME TIME
THEY'RE THE SAME THING
My mouth taste like pussy and my dad noticed. Hahahaha
The funny part was that the cop pulled us over cause the park was closed, not because I had just come up from giving the guy a blowjob when the cop drove by.
You've slept with someone mentioned in the NY Times, that officially makes you the most famous person I know.
Sad realization: so long as I use this sleep apnea machine, I will never be the little spoon!
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