Sex with him was like teaching a two year old how to work a machine gun
Well Im currently dressed up as batman raiding frat houses for booze
the laptop wouldn't balance on his lap. that's how well endowed he is.
Being thankful with your family is one thing. Being thankful with your friends while getting drunk and smoking bowls while eating leftovers, priceless.
i think i swapped my keys for drugs last night
Woke up fully clothed in bed sleeping on my purse.....we're back!!!
I need to quit being a slut. It's to the point that I got my period today and automatically I Believe I Can Fly popped into my head.
You ever fart so hard while you are asleep that you wake up screaming?
Crowning achievement. I bought ranch dressing and emergency contraception.
Oohh. Then yes, he is the Alpha Fuckboy.
Might call you tomorrow on a drunken hate filled rant, or just a normal hate filled rant, either way be ready.
God bless the petty bitch who invented screen shot
Sorry if that was awkward, i will never call you sober ever again
Its like my group of friends and I are all dating and we're all just a bunch of Swingers, is that normal?
woke up between a girl's legs. make your own conclusion.
Randomize
