I'm at the bar with Ashley what should I do?
humiliate her
I just heard a mom tell her toddler son "shut the fuck up. Don't ask me to buy you shit when i'm taking u to go see some fucking animals" welcome to the bronx.
It was like some kind of slut recycling operation. She gave me the shirt of the last guy she slept with in exchabge for mine so I didn't have to wear the same thing to work. She's been doing it for years
Somebody left a mini pitcher in the bathroom. Think its safe?
I guess at this point I should stop judging guys on their looks and more on their major and trust fund. Growing up sucks.
I didn't want to have to tell you this, violating our brother/sister code not to discuss these things but: for the love of christ stop inviting that 21 year old idiot I slept with for six months to EVERY PARTY WE THROW.
Reading old FB posts. Why did I ever stop drinking?
we told you you couldn't get your dick sucked because you were a girl and you yelled at us and said we were 'discriminating you'
I went 670% over budget on my vacation. My accountant would flip if he weren't me.
How the fuck do you have so much free time?
Polyphasic sleep schedule.
But he was still all, "YOU TEXTED TONY WHILE YOU WERE GETTING FUCKED?!" Like THAT was the weird part.
I have no idea what to do with myself since we graduated.
I've just been napping and sexting all day.
One of my pillows is missing but it's cool because there is a beef stick.
Where you been?
Please tell me this is a booty call
public service announcement: beginning at 10pm please text me at half hour intervals reminding me to keep my legs shut tonight. Note, this is not a drill.
I'm gonna write a book entitled "when you give a cop a cookie..."
I don't even want to know.
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