my brother is a facebook fan of two things: God, and Rhianna. if he's not a prime example of the rare "baptist closeted gay," i don't know who is.
My therapist said that she thinks i may have a sex addiction. I think she may be a terrible therapist.
Want me to drive you to Dr. Drew's sex rehab?
Nah, cause then i cant masturbate to that show anymore.
champagne bombs. Yes, i think that is where things may have gotten out of control.
She never called back. Financed a fleshlight.
Seriously man, I'm worried that my dick's going to fall off someday if I keep this up...
If everything I've heard is true, then she's lost her virginity three times
I have had more skin than food in my mouth the last three days
Was it a good night or a bad night when you have to apologize to someone the next day for trying to fuck them with a turtle?
I just want to curl up with him and brush his hair and sing love songs together, I think you should come over and end this
I'm doing the Macarena naked in my living room right now
I see you're taking unemployment seriously.
Ran into my neighbor that's always crying. I wonder if she's like; "I ran into my neighbor who's always playing with her vibrator?"
No later than 4:00 ok - I'm tying my viagra high into a superbowl halftime showstopper. Ya, you might wanna look away for that
I traded my pants for a Santa hat last night and it was so worth it.
Dude, please tell me you know why there's a naked chick asleep outside my room.
I usually do that but weve been going unprotected with tribal fertility symbols painted above my door
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