Goodnight my chunky, little, marshmallow muncher
Life lesson: using the oven as a heater= $500 electric bill
He just helps fat girls get exercise. One walk of shame at a time.
just saw a former disney star do a keg stand. her life choices have improved.
And your hair- I'd make sure to pee on it first.
I woke up to you in just boxers at my door at 7a.m. with you saying how many squrriels you counted on the walk back, then you made me penis shaped pancakes
this is not okay. even my mom refers to me as a sorostitute.
Stumbled into class and into a desk. When I fell my bottle broke in my backpack. I had to leave there was vodka everywhere.
There's a warrant out for his arrest for throwing a mannequin through a bus stop.
currently pooping in a public restroom while drinking free beer. there has never been a finer line between awesome and depressing.
If you're staying here tonight, you need to promise me you won't make another bonfire in the lounge room. My girl is still pissed about that.
I could just tape a camera with a live feed to my head & you could check in on me from time to time
Had to decide between a hook up at the train restroom or getting to work on time #growingup
Does sweetest day count when you're spending it with your fuck buddy, high and eating Pizza Hut?
By the way I can not feel my vagina. It's like it's asleep. What the hell did you do?
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