I just told this girl who bought a pregnancy test "good luck"
I am no longer a man. I just realized I prefer Spongebob to college football.
Mmmhmmm sure, nice try, but there's certain wounds that only bj's can heal
got extra credit for showing up to class before a holiday. it hit me 5 minutes later that she meant easter....
It was like god placed me in his bed and said," here's your shot girl. Don't mess this up." And I looked at god and laughed in his face.
this is you don't wonder off at 3 am with no pants on. Just stay there and pray to god you don't get arrested for being on school property.
I'm gonna be a few minutes late, some asshole just fell off the ferry so we had to stop.
I could probably do something when Im able to get enough strength to think about thinking about to stand.
You aren't going to like my movie choice because it's a Disney movie, but I am cordially inviting you to the couch for blowjobs.
I'm not entirely sure how getting 'house drunk' turned into us getting trashed, being serenaded by karaoke and going out. But it needs to happen again.
I ran into his family and they made me a ham sandwich and I asked if they wanted to come streaking. I felt they deserved the invite.
I told him I was gunna have sex with him in both of our cars at the same time.
well, mom whipped her new boobs out at the dining room table. So yeah you could say we had a pretty casual thanksgiving
You were so fucked you introduced me to a pile of Laundry
I wondered why I slept in the front room
I woke up alone, naked in her bed staring at a lifesize poster of edward cullen,actually I'm lying I did have socks on
Randomize
