My bottle opener just broke off in the cork
They don't teach how to cope w these situations in boy scouts
Just spent the rest of my time at that bar trying to keep a probs underage closet gay from touching my kitten to prove he still likes girls.
it makes me cry that so many people are going to see you naked someday.
I love how you send me nude pics of girls you're fucking and name them by which city they're in instead of their name. "This is Nashville, this is Tupelo, this is Jackson..."
Last night was epic. Hooked up with Emma Watson, found twenty bucks, and then passed out on my floor.
No you didn't. You drank unbelievable amounts of 151, passed out in someone else's bathroom, and we carried you back to your floor. Nice dreams though.
i remember too much of last night for it to have been successful
I'm sorry you were dumb enough to get played by a male cheerleader
It wasn't like a party or anything. They played PlayStation and talked about sports. Then I threw up on his porch.
Just watched an entire Mariachi band walk of shame home together. Halloween at its finest
I just got a free round of shots. Don't you DARE fuckin tell me that A-cup boobs can't get you good things.
Current dream situation- Gordon Ramsey is my Uber driver and he's hauling around a backseat filled with chocolate covered açai berries. I'm good for eternity.
You thought the flashing lights were strobe lights when they were loading you into the ambulance. You asked the EMT if he had any X.
Clothing is a burden necessitated by propriety.
He fucked me harder than I've ever been fucked before and afterwards he started crying and profusely apologizing to god and baby Jesus for his sin.
Dude, my back STILL hurts from carrying the team on BP last night.
Randomize
