You ever start fucking a girl and realize she kinda looks like your mom?
Im too awkward for one night stands. I need to hire someone to come clear them out of my bed before I wake up.
ok understand this, i didn't pay for your dinner bc you said i wasn't going to get a blowjob for at least a month... this isn't a mail-in rebate deal, you gotta pay upfront
she is graduated, working for the school, and puking in the bathroom of a frat house. she wants brush her hair so she doesnt "look trashy". im in love.
Seriously... There's something wrong here. I'm drinking vodka to mask the smell of chocolate on my breath before I get home and he finds out. I fucking hate couple dieting...
did u get his digits?
yes his name is chazbangbangbang according to my phone...
And i didn't ask you to do that, You showed your penis at your own free will.
i'll just tell him I slept with them both because we needed to compare notes
Lol. No. We cannot eat chicken while we have sex. No.
We told you to go get more fire wood and you came running back with a log that was on fire, not drunk at all.
I won the booty shaking contest by mooning the whole bar
Mainly I just wanna pet bunnies. And purple chicks. Well any color chicks if I close my eyes. But purple if I open them.
I found her face down on the kitchen floor asking anybody who walked by for Kraft Dinner
I walked in on him pumping himself up by headbanging to the drumbeat from Jumanji.
I love how fuckboys immediately become cultured when I tell them I’m an artist.
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