Hey sorry for feelin' up your date. Sadly, this is a mass txt.
I feel if a girl leaves my house the next morning feeling degraded and in desparate need of a shower, then I have succeeded.
at last call she tried to get the bartender to fill her flask. when he refused, i had to stop her from trying to pour the rest of her beer in there.
I feel like hell. The amount of black beans I found in my hair tells me I hit rock bottom
he's washing the lighter in the sink and telling me to picture unicorns. requesting backup.
I just reached for my seatbelt when I sat down to pee... Might be a little hungover.
I apologize for violently hooking up with her in front of you in the jacuzzi last night.
I mean, I introduced myself as "the after party". I think he knew early in the night he was in for a bangathon.
My only regret this past weekend is abusing only 3 substances when I could have done so much more.
Sorry for face planting onto the table with all our alcohol on it
Grandpa just put 6 jello shots on his plate. My aunt tried to take them away; he flipped her off. Living in the retirement home has hardened him.
Blacked-in to me, shirtless, giving myself finger guns in the mirror and rapping "stacks in the club stacks stacks in the club."
He and his ex stood there talking about going to get Chinese food while I was half naked searching for my panties
I just put a pill up my vagina. It was little like a quail egg. There is so much happening up there right now.
Side piece definitely knows about my GF. Said it was sexy when I go commando, then left me pantsless in the club bathroom
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