you might get a letter about the baby you put in me. i was mad when i sent it.
I had a dream that the allstate guy hooked up with flo from the pregressive insurance commercials and she gave birth to the geico gecco. I need to stop taking ambian.
Just scheduled a cocaine deal around my drug counsler appointment. Why yes, thank you, I do enjoy the irony that is my life.
we were totes just talking about. huu in the bathbub. 5 girlszzz
Thanks for pulling me out of the bed by my feet atleast one of us was sober enough to know I had work at 5 am.
someone to text and fuck? since when does that constitute a relationship?
since 2006
Dude. Cvs sells sex toys. And my discount works on them. Game on.
I am disappointed by everyone's lack of ability to dance on a stripper pole:(
My dog is now used to me drunk singing and sleeps through it. I don't know how I feel about this
Don't remember anything. Melissa just said I kept saying welcome to the bat cave
I guess I was telling girls last night that I was a virgin with terminal cancer again
How... how did you get Adam Lambert's shoes? Does he know you have them? DID YOU STEAL ADAM LAMBERT'S SHOES?! Oh my God I am so turned on right now.
Not sure what you smoked, but you put raw bacon on the lazy Susan and spent 45 minutes looking at it and mumbling Meat Spin
you need to drop off my dinner before you go see him because i'm not gonna wait until you're finished fucking him to get my damn chinese food
I mean his penis was perfect in pictures but its even more perfect inside me
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