They say rihanna has been dating several mets players. They go on to say that she feels safe with them because they can't beat anybody.
I just woke up to my FedEx of contacts I've been waiting for for about a week and my hungover ass went to the bathroom and used beer instead of contact solution.
just chugged some gatorade and threw it up. todays gonna be awesome
It probably isn't a good idea to go home with last night's hookup's brother. And sister.
Probably is probably an understatement.
I pulled some girls weeve trying to pull the stop cord on the bus
My therapist thinks I shld paint u something to show u my appreciation 4 ur friendship. 1) she must think I'm rite on the brink of no friends 2) this is real
All these girls I talk to are like I've never had a hangover and I'm like you don't drink right here let me show you
You asked the waitress what the corking fee would be on the Joose you smuggled into the restaurant.
I dreampt that we were shooting zombies while we having sex. Is that normal?
But really- as the voice of your vagina I am BEGGING you to do it. If not for yourself than for your poor innocent puss
I started singing I believe I can fly in the shower and it was like the first stage of insanity
Honestly I volunteered because the email made it sound like it was a once in a lifetime opportunity to be a sexual spy kid.
I don't want to sleep with any other woman but you but I want to try this whole mother daughter thing that would be nuts
Can’t fucking wait for Tuesday night. Have another situation that popped up. I swear my life is like a cross between a soap opera and a porno
If it were up to me his wife would never get his penis again, but I guess they have some sort of arrangement
Yes, an arrangement called marriage
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