my roommates friend slept in my bed when i was out of town..she ran out screaming cause she saw my VCR
my tits taste like a pina colada. how often do you get to say that?
I thought the one perk of the low caliber of men I've slept with thus far in my college career is that I would never run into them in the library. I've been here for ten minutes and we're on number three.
Oh just living the dream. And by living the dream I mean drinking franzia out of a martini glass and watching family matters. Also, drinking every time Carl Winslow has a mustache and Eddie wears MC Hammer pants
So many people have lost their virginity on my futon... I think it is only the right thing to bronze it and put it on display
Sometimes you gotta take the crosseyed stripper. fuck it
Currently studying Econ, while waiting outside current booty call's residence for him to return from the strip club. This is your fault.
My dating life has become some fucked up hydra of dicks; you cut one off and two pop up in its place.
Ohh man. That was a snatch-waxer with a score to settle.
We turned a watering can into a margarita bong.
PUT DOWN THE JOINT AND STEP AWAY FROM THE TRUSTAFARIAN
I refuse to believe this is a lapse in my dick hunting skills. It's gotta be the gods playing a game.
we are not getting arrested this weekend. I don't care who I have to blow its just not happening.
When you start lapping your martini like a cat it's time to go home. Partys over.
i fucked his best friend. once right next door to him. i'm pretty sure that could be called sweet revenge.
Randomize
