So I'm pretty sure I fucked the dept of homeland security guy on my kitchen table. No recollection of it, but there are signs.
Thank you for not puking on my lap during the first class of the semester. And fuck you for doing it in the second.
Dude, Donte totally wants it. I don't have any idea how I do it. I'm not even cool. I'm not even the hero Gotham deserves. I'm barely high. My hands are swelling. Want me to pick you up anything from five guys?
I fell asleep while studying last night and woke up smelling like whiskey and sex... words can not describe how confused I am
I spent the day drinking wine and meditating. I'm zen as fuck.
I'm drunk, I'm covered in pizza, and I'm watching Jurassic Park. I feel like you'll get this. xx
Somehow I ended up in a different costume dancing with some tree of a guy in the basement bathroom, what did you give me?
THEY'RE TEXTING LIKE MIDDLE AGED SOCCER MOMS WHAT DO I DO
Dude, he danced with the dog that some random chick was carrying at the bar. Then the dog jumped out of his arms and ran away. THAT definitely deserves a drink.
He usually doesnt care about me cumming but last night he really tried, I feel that him going to the Womens March benefitted my sex life
I need to stop getting so drunk at bowling
How much weed should I buy my mom for her birthday?
I just do things that aren't classy the classy way.
I'm not sure you count what happened last night as sex.
when i was on the highway she passed out and knocked my transmission into nuetral with her forehead...that was an experience
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