im orety awesome arent i? relly i know i am
He sat on a barstool and did the robot for 3 hours - I'm pretty sure he enjoyed himself.
You tried telling the RA that girl you brought home was your mom...
Just went through the drive thru and got 18 free donuts in exchange for half a joint. Dunkin Donuts at midnight might become a nightly thing for us.
I had to step in when you tried to make it rain baking powder on my sister
My vagina would be awesome. I would be the most popular girl in the village.
Would it be weird if I told you I thought of you when I masturbated?
Looks like I'm more than just your Mexico mistake...
I made people serenade her before talking to her and went on a condom run. If I'm going to be in the friend zone, I'm going to be its fucking king.
Please send me a thumbs up pic afterwards. No homo. After you've redressed and are heading for the walk of shame out of course
So it's official the pockets of my work apron exist solely for the purpose of secretly flipping off asshole customers and not losing my job.
then this guy just runs in screaming, "cant you see my daughter pissed herself???!!!" and that was the start of my 2016.
He just went to a job interview a sharpie moustache drawn on his face..
It was a "have 911 on speed dial" kinda night
You literally asked him, “Do you come here often? Do you want to visit my vagina?” With no hesitation
Sorry for peeing on your books last night. I wouldn't leave them next to the window anymore.
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