remember about an hour ago when i told you i was never drinking again? i may or may not be mixing malibu with caprisun. just saying.
i think i have herpe
just one?
you only had a canadian ten, but you said it was all good cuz you would just by molson.
Dear vodka that I hid in a water bottle in the backseat of Blairs car, I'm sorry that she gave you away to a man on side of the road with an over heated engine. I'm sure the car doesn't appreciate you as much as I would have.
Well, McDonalds 'escorted' me out after I passed out mid-order
At what point would you like us to save you from yourself?
The only reason I can fathom that you've been able to continue to date new people this long is that women continue to become of age each year, and the younger ones don't know any better.
Dicks are so weird. He has kind of a feminine comforter in the background.
I Have a huge scrape on my knee and I need a better excuse than dry humping on a park bench...
Just had to double check that I had pants on. THAT kind of weekend.
Where are you and why are you fighting with a bird?
He may be 6' 6" but I'm 180 lbs of pure rage and determination
How many of my Tinder dates can my Christian roommate accidentally meet in the hallway at 3am before she's horrified and moves out?
This bitch goes out driving during the nor'easter to get her ass eaten.. that’s dedication
I broke my dick don't ask me how I need help putting in a catheter so I can piss.
Randomize
