Firetruck pulls up, fireman jumps out n knocks on my door, asks "do you know where Johnny lives?"
It's like the water temple from zelda. but with more tits.
he was chasing shots of soco with fistfuls of my birthday cake
Someone shat in the 1st floor west girls hall. Literally SHAT in the hallway
That's what she gets for taking his peeps.
My coke dealer called me at midnight just to ask how to spell a word. Not sure how I should feel about that.
For some reason I just don't think you going to the gay bar alone on thanksgiving is a good idea.
Hey I think I found part of your tooth next to your wine bottle in the floor board of my car.
He had a 99.9% chance of getting laid...until he started cutting down the frat's volleyball nets with his pocket knife.
He may only be 25% black, but after that sexual experience I am 100% never going back.
I'm not so good at organized events that don't revolve around whiskey or playgrounds.
After her AA meeting, she was on the phone with her mom, and when she said, "they're making me start over with Step 1," I quietly sang, "cut a hole in the box".
Just me, my martini, and my backup Martini.
Holy shit, I just successfully took and sent a boob pic AT MY DESK I have conquered an entire new level of skill.
too bad I'd hit a car before I'd hit a bush.
Are we talking about jumping from windows or your willingness to fuck a car instead of a woman?
FUCK WHALES
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