The dr is doing well, he randomly asked if I was bi
Having your wife answer your cell was so lame. Maybe we can talk when you get your phone, your facebook account, and your balls back.
Little spoons don't ask big questions
Just checked my phone. Sometime last night I googled sex positions in a tent. Was there even a tent there?
there is beer in every square inch of this apartment and he hasn't even lived in it for 24 hours. we're playing some game that involves slamming beer, beer pong and smacking people's cups out of their hands.
Boise Idaho, where you have a one night stand with someone from your town 3 states away and run into them the day you return...
I wish my bank account would intervene on my life choices.. $200+ in alcohol in 2 weeks and a $40 McDonald's bill is a cry for help.
Hey nothing wrong with those! I can't believe the guys who let me see where they live on first dates. Even more surprising, I don't stalk them after they've done me wrong.
Very unfortunate to find out the kid who took your virginity has never seen Star Wars🙃
Can't we just go back to fucking and having your boyfriend think you're completely straight?
I’ve gone two rounds already this morning and I’m ready for a third. The moon is in the house of sluticus hornius.
You can accomplish quite a bit with a can do attitude and a well placed ice cube.
Do you think he’ll fall in love with me if I tell him I have a nickname for his penis
Drunk me bought a cell phone last week and began texting sober me. The conversation between the two is still on going.
Thank god you don't know my other address I'm safe for now
Awww you know you would like it if I found u
Randomize
