it wasn't lemon gatorade
I just accidentally handed the ticket lady a condom instead of the intended ticket. I am now the official whore of Harry Potter.
And then falling down drunk the next morning, concussing yourself and splitting your head open?
That was pretty sad, but you more than made up for it by using "concussing" in a sentence
the only muscles i have these days is kegels
You know summer is almost over when ur school booty calls start hitting u up as if solidifying their spot in drunken mistakes for next semester
I'm currently trying to decide if crown or wild turkey will hurt worse coming back out through my nose later.
She's using our floating beer pong table as an air mattress to sleep on.
I feel like butter and tequila would be excellent combination. Right now. Please do this in my name.
It's okay. My lingerie drawer is skanky enough for the two of us. Even across borders.
Nothing says "I mean business" like using a cart at the liquor store.
She said "I've been waiting to suck your cock since high school." I'm so glad so many freshmen are from our school.
Sweating vodka and spray tan, I feel like a trophy wife.
Don't be too mad at the guy who broke your kitchen table. Didn't get his name, but he knew all about your gay porn career. Like DETAILS...
Why were my jeans in the freezer of the mini fridge, and how long have they been in there? On another note, I found my teacher's ID badge.
The night got way more interesting after Jimmy started doing summersaults in front of the bar.
Randomize
