Do you not remember dry humping your dog for 20 minutes at oxfest dude?
i don't think my family understands the severity of a twenty first birthday.
I'm like a warm blanket that has sex with you
I just woke up to people screaming "funnel" in my kitchen....
Happy St. Patrick's Day.
May have caused an international incident. More details after we taxi in.
Freshman ate returning to campus. Let Operation Slut Storm commence.
I just want to go to their admissions office and show them the video of him taking the flaming shot, and be like yeah...you let in the kid who lit his entire face on fire over me.
My team for a project is gonna have weekly meetings at a bar. yessss. they will do all the work while i thor hammer down beers.
In order to see him, he made me facetime with his penis, which he had drawn a smile face on. Getting laid shouldn't be this difficult.
We laughed. We cried. We came everywhere.
Well I've made a drinking game out of the Wiggles but I think I've got this babysitting thing down
Googled 'how drunk am I' and it was NOT helpful
Whenever I have a bad day I just look at the negetive pregnancy test I keep in my purse and remind myself things could be alot worse.
I wish I had a tail.
Why?
...why not?
Let me call you later. I’m lining up some office dick now that working at home is ending
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