ohhhh fuckk. chicks a dude.
When I told my mom I was having a rough time, she responded with "pop a xanax, take a nap, and when you wake up all will be right with the world." My mom is finally starting to shape up.
I woke up under a table, with a huge Mexican sombrero, a box of 120 doughnuts and a bloody nose. It all screams success.
we used the bottom of a tampon for coke since no one had a 20 on them. My life has resisted to this.
Well if my looks don't work with her I'll eat the 50 nuggets to impress her fat roommate.
Maybe. This hangover is made of nightmares and that thing from the Alien movies.
After we were done the second time she turned to me and called me a Hardcore Armadillo. Also, her O face involves crossed eyes. You tell me.
Would it be inappropriate to rub one out in the gym shower? I mean, technically, I pay $80 a month to do what I want so could they really say anything?
Shower is fine. Steam room is shady. I've probably done both at one point in my life so I can't be used as a good reference.
jake and the teradactyl broke up, operation get high and find him a new girl who hasn't had sexual experiences with three delts simultaniously is in full effect.
Because she seems like the type to give it up for a box of fruit rollups.
Yeah I'm at the doctors getting a shotand don't know how to tell them I'm still probably drunk from last night
His new girl is probably classy and boring. I bet she doesn't feed him sour patch kids while she wiggles his weiner.
Some guy named spider just bought me 5 shots
I keep worrying the police are going to come looking for us.
For which one? Starting a fire on my porch or having sex on my porch?
She's chasing the cat around the house hitting it with a cardboard sword yelling "there can be only one!"
Randomize
