We just got home. I got some malt liqour and a lottery ticket so I'm really doing a lot with my life right now
Clearly, I'm already going to hell, so there's no point in trying anymore.
just went to the store to buy a mop & tampons. i feel like i just gave in to all those women jokes.
She was so adorably desperate I didn't have the heart to tell her I wasn't a lesbian. So now She's making waffles, may switch teams over this.
The only way i can get arrested is public drunkenness or defacing a national monument. Trust me, i have already looked it up.
why did I try to FaceTime with 311 last night?
I'm on my "fiiiiirrrst" glass of wine- the quotes mean it's the last of the bottle- so I really need you to pick up your phone so we can talk about this
I dont have any paper so I'm writing class notes on my first response direction pregnancy paper. Judging eyes are all around.
I puked in my fridge last night while I was trying to get water
I'm eating my emotions. I am no longer interested in anybody other than my own hand and vagina.
I think it's starting to become crucial that I find a companion for my vagina.
I made it with a guy dressed as Mitt Romney. I told him "you can't have my vote, but you can have my body"
Well, she chose the fuckboy life or the life chose her. Not sure which one but either way I don't need that negativity in my life.
YOURE A FUCKING ADULT. DONT TELL ME ITS PAST YOUR BEDTIME WHEN I WANT TO GET ANOTHER COCKTAIL.
Look fucker, my sensibility and attention to detail is the ONLY REASON you're not dead now
Randomize
