is it a bad sign that i now think of my run-ins with cops as "skill building seminars"?
um, yeah. i think it is.
I'm glad girls dont get visible erections
But, it would have made life so much easier...
i feel like his penis is a security blanet. i cant fall asleep unless its in my hand
I puked in the pool and didn't tell them, then they all went swimming. Is it dick to just sit back and enjoy the show?
True. I'd rather snort cocaine off a homeless guy then work on the weekend...Actually that may not be that bad.
Never ever ever ever ever ever give your number to a 30 year old at buffalo wild wings. Ever ever ever.
Guess the answer to the last 2 texts right and you'll get a boob shot tonight. Guess wrong and it will be a picture of a used, boogery kleenex.
Yay for living on the edge. I'm trying this new thing where I stop mom-arming people and promote bad decisions. It's working quite well.
I awoke this morning alone and naked in my bed I forecast my date later not going so well because I have three giant hickies on my neck there is a note next to my bed that looks a 3rd grader wrote it on my college acceptance letter
I can't put those talents on a resume
Growing a beard is gonna make smoking a pipe look so much more majestic
At first I was nervous about leaving him my undergraduate legacy, but apparently he made out with lesbians, woke up with hickeys and a different shirt. My family name will survive.
Hey! How are you feeling? Still preferring soup over sex?
Sex and bbq. He sure knows how to make a girl feel special
I fished a Couples Masturbation DVD out of somebody’s trash and kept it. That’s how desperate I am.
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