3:47a: I take it you're not on your way over
I totally ignored my nose and drank sour milk this morning. The tupid carton said 4/22/09. i puked everywhere..
Now would be a good time to set your alarm to pick me up from jail in the morning.
Why did that cocktail waitress get to sleep with Tiger for 2 years, and all I ever got for living in Whorelando for five years is a couple of pictures with Joey Fatone
I would also like to inform you that I can no longer lay on my back because my tailbone is bruised from the nightstand. Good job.
Penises. Penises everywhereeeeeeeee. Penis ratio is sooo disproportionate. I can't NOT get laid tonight.
last nights episode of shot friends brought to you by polish vodka and flamingo baseball. pickles cure hangovers.
I told the bartender that he could give me back the tip I gave him if he outsmarted me in a battle of wits. He has yet to challenge me.
I can't leave your house without my underwear spending the night.
With a few pieces of metal and duct tape and a bong was created
Do you ever actually plan things? Or is it always drugs then whatever happens? I'm considering being worried about you
I've already come to terms that I'm gonna have to bone a few gross librarians, but hey, it's college
We need to borrow someone's dog. Just so we can non-creepily go to PetSmart and watch all the other dogs take photos with Santa
so apparently over the course of the night my roommate and i had sex in exactly the same spot. ps the downstairs sink needs cleaning.
My parents are being so annoying about my colon.
Randomize
