I'm skeptical of all drag queens.
i just compared eating a chick out to "gargling a cheeto"
I swear he shrunk like 2 inches. Remind me that drunk sex needs to remain drunk sex.
I think I'm on the verge of a really slutty period in my life
You never did explain why you were in wal-mart with a wok full of popcorn.
We were having sex and his high flatmates stood outside his room playing the guitar and singing Somebody to Love by Justin Beiber. Weirdest night ever.
Hide in the closet. if you hear me yell patato salad come out swinging.
They put paint on their hands and tried to see how many times they could touch me before I woke up.
Judging by this purple one they got to second base.
Every time you visit for the weekend I end up having to bleach my entire house after.
No apologies necessary. Just give me sex and Pop Tarts, and we'll call it even.
A dry HJ only, please. I don't deserve the comforts of lube after my horrendous fantasy football performance
I just got called the stable friend. This makes me super uncomfortable
They cut me off when I tried to pee in the corner of the bar.
Getting a lap dance from a girl you went to high school with really isn't as awkward as you'd think
And she called me out by name, nothing could have made it more awkward but it ended up not being that bad
You just sent a mass text asking if anyone ever drank the blood of a goat in the glorious name of Satan...after that we confiscated any writing utensil
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