just to let you know I saw you texting some Kim chick, and facebook saying she's ugly... good job you're gay now
VAGINAS EVERYWHERE
they're staring at me
You know that it's no longer pregaming if you don't go anywhere, right? That's just drinking alone.
you stole their roomba and ran out the door so that you could 'set it free'.
we found you passed out on lawn and the roomba bouncing back and forth on the sidewalk.
He just walked in our room casually and said "big girls are hungry"
I'm fucked up. I can't drink anymore. We stole a cat.
come to Starbucks. I'm the fat girl eating a whole pizza sitting on the ground
You just said we could build a blanket and pillow "fuck fort." Of course I'm never leaving you.
Ok John needs to move to the other side of the county. I do not like to be approached for a blow job in the produce section of Holiday Market.
Oh you know, sitting here in my bathing suit watching antiques road show and petting the cat. Just the usual
ok it turns out chain mail does not protect against falling down a flight of stairs. please send help.
well apparently i was just calling everyone cunts. then i awoke from my blackout to 3 very mad roommates who didn't bring a key out with them
I'm taking ecstasy it's gonna be that kind of Vegas trip
It's probably not a good thing when it isn't even 6:30 and I've already drank an entire bottle of wine. By myself. I'm watching Spice World and I just bought 2 Spice Girls albums off itunes.
Make that 3 Spice Girls albums.
I’m going down on him like an Oompah Loompah on roller skates.
That makes no sense, but good luck
Randomize
