chick im bringing home just asked our cab driver if she could do a line off his turban. i think im in love - or trouble.
I'm pretty sure there's seven mailboxes in the bathtub...
I woke up face down on my laptop with three windows open: itunes, chat roulette and redtube
I get drunk and say inappropriate things... you get drunk and sleep with inappropriate people. it's what we do.
threw up in the library. i should be embarrassed, but i'm willing to bet that i'm one of the first so i'm kinda proud.
Can we just ponder our lives for a second.
No I think my brain may implode in a puff of cocaine and sparkles.
We need to figure out what we are doing for halloween asap. I'm not going out like a punk ass bitch burger king again this year.
And if I don't get arrested for drinking and canoeing over the next 3 days, this hurricane will not have turned out anywhere near as well as I planned
I smell like bonfire and ex-boyfriends
"my nose is broken but I'm beer pong champ so it evens out really"
Oh my god. We just got locked out of our cabin and went to the neighbor's to see if they had a key and caught the neighbor jerking it. My night > your night
In retrospect, vomiting out of a moving vehicle on the third date should have been a deal breaker
ill drive you to the airport today if we can have sex first
i left yesterday
ill pick you up from the airport on sunday if we can have sex after
So the same great-aunt that told me to freeze my eggs for procreation just told me that I should strut around the dance floor b/c I'd get picked up.
I need to meet your family.
Fuck this pandemic. She grabbed the hand sanitizer instead of the hand lotion while giving me a hand job and now my dick is burning and scrotum are on fire
A hand job? Are you 12?
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