how do chicks with those acryllic nails wipe their anuses?
My doc was like ur only supposed to have 6 sexual partners..thats just one semester at college
watching elf naked is so much better than watching it with clothes on .
Tinkerbell just flew up to me and tickled my balls. What the fuck did we smoke?
Found my wallet. It was under my dresser with a note that said "good job you found me". Drunk me is an ass.
There is not greater feeling than lying to your boss and leaving work to shit in the comfort of your own home
Trustme, don't ever look up when you're giving road head. It's awkward.
At one point, he came in to give her a pep talk, and then after he left, she just kept whispering his name into the toilet between heaves.
I'm ready to sell my soul to the strip club tonight
The fact that me being able to walk down stairs is an accomplishment in my books pretty much explains how I am
Walked into a bathroom stall to pop an addy for my three back-to-back finals today. Felt like Clark Kent walking into a phonebooth.
Her parents are celebrating she found someone so well endowed.
Will there be champagne when they see the pay check?
And also ice skating can blow me. Goodnight, love you!
TFW YOU ACCIDENTALLY SEND A MEME ABOUT LIKING ANAL TO THE GROUP CHAT. JESUS FUCKING CHRIST, WHAT IS WRONG WITH ME?
Dude, I just masturbated with my cat sleeping on my boobs....
You have GOT to get this crazy cat lady thing under control. I'm finding you a man. And you'll take him, and thank me. After that text, you have no right to be picky.
Randomize
