He came in the heat vent in my car. Don't ask how it happened.
i wish we had vans that drove around at night but insteand of ice cream and jolly tunes its taco bell and the macarena
i would totally switch to progressive if they'd let me bang that girl in the commercial.
nobody understood you. You kept speaking french and hiding shit in your boobs
Dude, at this rate we're going to get arrested a second time tonight.
thankjk goddddn taco bell uis open htis lateee!
you do know it's eleven in the afternoon, right?
I'm not going to need your "it doesn't mean you're a slut" pep talk after all.
that girl from work that wants to bone me just said 'the last time i went this long without sex was in jail'. sup, red flag
Eating nacho cheese off the carpet. How is your morning?
I think they make you graduate because you get too old to go hard and become a risk. homecoming weekend wins again. fuck.
We tried to play tennis but after about 15 minutes we gave up and fucked against the fence. Woulda been a cute third date so of course I had to ruin it.
What's more sad than going to Target to buy Plan B and the new Sam Smith album?
A shark bit my leg in the Gulf of Mexico well me and the T were banging so look for it in the papers
He obv doesn't know that telling a woman to chill will get him murdered
I hope you know, that by sending me a cat meme back, you've entered in a cat picture battle; which never has an end in sight.
The duel has begun.
Randomize
