I had a fork in my beer hand and just stabbed my tongue.
i'm sitting pantsless eating potato chips and watching porn before he picks me up for our date. I hope he's ready for this...
I'll be honest with you, my dick was out at that point in time.
Better than road-head. Just got model-home-head. Also got a disapproving scowl of judgment from the realtor on the way out.
somehow this turned into a costume party you have to get here now with my banana suit or I'm wearing my birthday suit
Is the booze for tonight or the apocalypse?
Both. Pregaming the zombie party and hurricane sustenance.
Told some guy to hold your weave while you "tried" to kick his girlfriends ass...
He said that I looked like a "ghost had crawled up into my vagina and died"..so yeah, I'd say the hangover was noticeable.
Don't trim your pubes if you've been drinking. I can't believe I have to tell you more than once.
Are you done yet? I've eaten three corndogs so I'm ready 2 party.
Woke up this morning to a bunch of snapchats of you drunkenly yelling at grasshoppers. Good night?
As a paramedic, it's completely unacceptable to black out on a monday. I cant handle 3 dollar shot night.
We go out and drink, fuck, and I stay the night. He agrees to it because he knows I'll hook him up to IV fluids in the morning. Everyone wins
Since moving to the suburbs, all I do is fuck my ex and watch cartoons. It's not so bad.
She dropped the call after she told me she doesn't want to hear about how loud he can scream.
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