can a staight man not wear seersucker in this town?
i think you shook his penis after he was done peeing.
so I woke up and found tortilla in my belly button
You were so high at Ikea last night that you were convinced you could speak Swedish. The whole the time you were our navigator and when we got to the cashier you were hitting on the lady. When she gave you her number you told her you were saving her number as Inglfurfta cuaue she must be swedish since she works there.
the last thing i remember is you screaming lets hunt humans.
[insert really romantic bullshit about how much i love you and how beautiful you are so you will suck my dick tonight]
she said she was gay. i said prove it. she said "ok i wont fuck you"
Going to get a "plan B"urrito
Taking shot for every red box on your worst bracket. I have 30. I might die tonight.
Liver, I have supported you for 18 fucking years. Pull your weight for ONE NIGHT and detoxify this alcohol.
Its 10:23 on a monday morning and im craving jello shots, this is a problem
Im going..... Drinking all day and hand jobs from 18yr old emo rich girls that are just trying to get back at mom and dad for being to protective...SOLD
Can someone please remind me later tonight that there's a taco in my purse. I may get drunk and forget I put it there
Your boobs are like a folk legend.
My boss is explaining why he thinks time goes by faster and faster. Bc of the rockets. No lie.
Randomize
