sleeping like a two year old who chased ambien with a bottle of whiskey.
we drove through mcdonalds and ordered everything on the dollar menu. We told the workers that were making Super Size Me 2, drove away without paying and told them to bill our producer.
And I know a few people wouldnt want to even be around high people. Which is sad. But jet packs are cool.
He said he wants to make an itinerary for the sex we'll have when I come home.
He sent me $300 worth of sex toys. My clitoris went into hiding after two days.
Why i have shady connections. Owner just txt me asking to come by and judge the new stripper.
The basket that the Naughty Easter bunny left for you at my house might keep us entertained for a little while...
i'm exhausted. do you know how hard it is to put together an outfit that is professional enough to secure a babysitting job yet slutty enough to let him know i'm down for sex during naptime?
You can't text people with drinkers' regret at 8 in the morning. It's just bad form.
By 11 pm the pants were off and there was no turning back. But on the bright side, you promised me your CDs when you died, you even signed a napkin saying so.
You think you're smart. You're pretending to be asleep to save yourself from my hormonal pms mood swings. Unfortunately that only works against bears.
Eating breakfast at 1:30 in the afternoon stark naked is how everyone should live
Our sex is like an episode of "The Simpsons." Picture Homer choking Bart, and that's pretty much what we're into.
Oh man I missed being single! Two different guys just sent me dick pics during my kid’s little league game.
He sent me the milestone first dick pic this morning, it looked like a baby's fist holding a tree trunk. I'm frightened and aroused in equal measure.
Randomize
