My dad just drunkly made a toast in front of my entire extended family "to my daughter the recent and sucessful college and to my son the drunken whore-monger"
looks like were buying each other an abortion for our one year present...
i can't wait to kiss dudes with my vampire teeth in.
It's safe to say that our attempt at trying to fuck in the grand Sierra elevator was a bad idea.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Im pretty sure at one point a very high you yelled, with actual tears in your eyes, "im not wrestling with you anymore, you dont respect my safe word!!"
Ps I got my nipple pierced. You're just gonna have to accept me for the tool I am and I don't wanna hear any shenanigans.
Hey, the point is, I have 3 guys to fuck to get over the last one. It's my golden rule. You told me to find a hobby! It translated as "find another guy".
That is the opposite way I told you to find a hobby.
My mom just covered me while I peed in the street. I love her. i also love parents weekend.
I had a 10 minute conversation with the refrigerator, it was telling me how it likes to be opened and closed. Ecstasy, I love you.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Of course, you have to give the courtesy text like last night when I told you my dick was gonna smell like peppermint
Tip: never mention Guy Fieri during sex
well theres no bloody mary mix at the campus bookstore so i dont even know what its good for
I don't need no damn man when I have the cock-a-nator 2000.
It's difficult to focus on bonds when you know your classmate peed in your mouth
Heels with jeans turned Casual Friday into Casual Sex With My Boss Friday
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