Writing my paper on freud at bar
??
Going up to girls and asking if they were anal explosive or anal retentive as children
Smooth
I just want to hang out with her.
You're a liar. Why do I have to give you reasons you can't have sex with my mom? I hate you.
It was all fun and games until Tim shit on the end table
Then she called me a home wrecking whore.
dont they live in a condo? that doesnt count.
dude stop sending me pictures of your dick in weird places. i get it. you rock out with your cock out.
got hammered last night, woke up this morning to 38 texts that varied from "you fucking asshole" to "i can be there in 10 minutes"
Mom got me cough medicine that tastes like tequila . She said she took taste tests. Best mom ever.
2 rounds of irish car bombs have already been taken to your 5 year sober anniversary
Wouldn't it be fantastic if the corporate world cared less about about our GPA and focused more on our mastery of social drunkenness?
If kinky sex was an Olympic sport they would be playing the anthem for me as we speak.
I was smelling my bathroom to make sure it didn't reek of weed...I spaced out and realized I was face to the wall sniffing it for 5 minutes.
Pretend you're in a taco. That always helps me sleep.
Dude hobos go hard. I learned a lot last night.
And I threw up 26 times yesterday. I actually think I threw up a spider too.
I feel like you can't break up with someone on 420. It's against stoner code
Randomize
