she was mega hot - except for the poop under her fingernails
stumble upon led me to how to make wine in prison, followed by wedding dresses. it knows my life too well
As long as there aren't any pictures of me humping the penguin, we are good,
Hint of advice dont get with minor league baseball players, you can google their stats but not their stds.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
He had to carry me to the car. But then sat with me and waited for me to sober up enough to have sex. He's a keeper.
Lesson of the night- sweaty dick can get stuck to ice, and require medical attention.
I vaguely remember having a cowboy explain his belt buckle to me in the bathroom hallway
If you're receiving this text it's probably because I drunkenly flashed you on Saturday. Sorry for forcing you to look at my tits. That was uncalled for.
I had to have the guy I went out with last night come pick me up from the hotel the next morning after I ditched him for a firefighter..don't even talk to me about a walk of shame
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
i don't knpow whats goin on i think theyre sacrificeing me to th tequila gods
I never actually go in the club. I get in line, hit on a chick, and convince her to come drink all she wants for free at my house.
I just had a 10 minute staring contest with my dog. Can you come over?
Waxing your own asshole is awkward and difficult at best.
Where are you? Where am I? Why am I so red?
We have such a parasitic relationship. But the kind where the parasite benefits from the relationship. Like the pilot fish and a shark. The fish gets the leftover food scraps from the shark and the shark gets a free bath from it.
that's so insightful.
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