Sex on a kitchen table is not as amazing as they make is seem in the movies.
He’s a liberal pot smoker and perfect for me. He invented a game where we have to smoke a joint every time you hear a Middle Eastern accent on NPR.
where are you?
Hypothermia
I think this breakup is Gods way of telling me I deserve a bigger dick
All I've consumed over the last couple days is Vanilla Coke, semen, and Coors. I don't think today will be any different.
You left your underwear on the fireplace
Just used water from the fish tank for the bong. Thank you fishy.
I think I reached optimum potential when I summersaulted straight into a kiddie pool.
No, earlier you attempted Jenga with everyones shoes.
I can feel the judgmental stares of Christians from around the world right now.
All I want is to get as high as I did that time I started hallucinating that my brother was becoming a monkey and I saw my mum on every surface of your room.
Your actions as of last night have earned you over thirty new nicknames.
Hurry up I'm getting mooned by a hobo
i puked in a jesus candle last night and then denied it... i'd say it was a pretty alright night
Sometimes i wish my vagina automatically turned itself off when i'm legally drunk.
I need to hurry up and get over my feelings for him so next year's tipsy reunion sex won't be clouded by emotions.
Randomize
