too bad you live with your parents still
Aren't I supposed to sit on your face?
I think I just puked all over my comforter and my roomdmate won't wakt up to washc it for me
You kept excitedly announcing to the bar what time it was. Followed by an equally excited "Clock language still makes sense!"
your dad just showed up on the golfcart with a keg. i. love. our. neighborhood.
someone who i have in my phone as thundercock just said he was DTF
Girl we've come a long way since our first Brazilian wax
I got my little bro high for the first time... Turns out the two of us stoned together is a mess. We spent 10 minutes trying to communicate with each other using just our eyebrows.
Just realized my relationship wasn't even Facebook official and I'd already cheated on him. 'Shitty girlfriend' is an understatement.
He says I vaguely mumbled happy New year, kissed him, threw up and then went back to sleep.
Explaining that I bought them at a strip club gift shop with my friend didnt make the furry handcuffs seem less weird
Welcome to my Tuesday when my lesbian ex girlfriend shows up unexpectedly and gets me drunk and then leaves
Remember when you gave their 80 year old doorman a line of molly at 5am?
I was just told that I'm the Sherlock Holmes of drunken sex. I'll take it.
Our son just found our secret Sex Dungeon that is no longer hidden in our basement. He brought his Xbox and the TV down there he is currently sitting in the sex swing playing video games. What do I do?
Randomize
