I would have added her but her profile pic was piece of pie
tequila makes her clothes fall off
wow Mom, sounds like youre having a good time
i just snorted my name. best moment ever
im spending all my christmas money on new years parafanalia aka things I will ingest or lose by the next morning
next time a party gets busted lets get a group photo first.
getting a black eye the first day of spring break really sets the tone for the rest of the week.
I thought your voice was coming from the walls. I've never been so relieved to find you naked in a closet
Damn, it's been so long since I had sex I could use the cobwebs from my vagina to decorate for Halloween.
Aside from the fact that im drinking wine straight from the bottle to save doing dishes, im also standing in front of the oven to save turning on the heater. its gonna be a rough winter.
She woke me up with an urgent call telling me she was rolling on Mollie and swimming in the ocean. I mean that's just great. If she drowns, I'll feel responsible.
Ahh you know it's going to be a long day when you mistake a beer for a sprite at 10:30 in the morning while babysitting
Just had a threesome. Girlfriend wasn't a part of it. Broke up with her by sending her a picture of it. Hell is going to be awesome
Mistakes were made. Hot mistakes that I want to make again. But tapping your employee is def a mistake. Esp in front of two other employees.
I JUST WATCHED PAULA DEEN PUT BUTTER IN HER BLOODY MARY. This is not a drill. Real life.
Just had a smooth transition from sexting to buffalo chicken dip 😂😂😂
Your skills amaze me
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