he fingered me, smelled his fingers, then asked me what i ate today..
I love him more than I love myself. Which is a lot...Because I'm narcissistic.
I will return your cat, I saw a mouse in my apt last night and your door was unlocked, it seemed really practical
At least he could have found a MILF, she's a dbl bagger. No wonder he goes to counseling.
Yeah..you can't spell Prozac without Zac(h).
we ran out of cups so i finished the night drinking out of a paint can.
yea, their son has been arrested on more than one occassion, their daughter is pregnant and their other daughter graduated but she was adopted, so clearly genes are everything.
I'm going on a new diet. It's called the "eat healthy otherwise boys won't want to have sex with your fat ass" diet. Wish me luck.
Drink for every country you've never heard of.
Fuuuuuuuuuck
How was it playing wingman?
I feel like I was rockys coach watching him get the shit beaten out of him by Apollo creed
There's someone howling in the parking lot. Haha.
You're about to makeout with my vagina, I don't think she cares that you haven't brushed your teeth. Just get over here!
And I'm glad you're waiting to invite him over. he may have a weird penis thing and then dinner becomes awkward.
Do you think the police would frown on me opening a psych drug pharmacy on the side? Just to dispose of my drugs without polluting the water supply! It is for the animals!
did you just describe your masturbation session as "rad af??"
Oh man I wish I could've gotten a picture of how many anti-circumcision stickers are on this Prius
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