Did u know that at any givin time there r 46,948,952 drunk people in the world? Were not alone
Pls don't use the words alligator, purple, and sperm in the same sentence ever again.
I just remember telling jokes while vomitting
i just bought weed at the top of a mountain, best decision of our lives to go to school in colorado.
And don't be too jealous. Drinking alone watching a chick flick and masturbating isn't nearly as glamorous as it sounds
I've come to realize that after waking up this morning for work no one wins in bar dice.
I had to carry you down because your legs weren't moving anymore but you were carrying the weights you stole from that guys room... and that's where the bruises came from.
I'm sick of being the only unemployed member of the group. Doing things alone isn't partying. Its sad.
She told me she's dating him because his apartment is a block from Taco Bell. I don't know how she's not fat.
Breaking into his house to steal the sheets I'd drunk pissed on before he got home was not how I wanted to be spending spring break
I imagine my service panda will provide sufficient protection. At the very least it will be an irresistible cuddly distraction while I make good my escape.
How drunk is she?
She's trying to French braid the dogs hair, there's no stopping her
I was so drunk at your wedding that Uber is now showing up in my Spotify recent searches.
You walked into the frat house and screamed "whose down to fuck" i think they were more intimidated than anything
Replacing my paralegal is easy. Replacing my favorite office fuck toy is a totally different story. Damn him for wanting to better himself instead of being my manwhore
Randomize
