Yo dont text me then not text me
I googled "I hate my uterus" just to make sure I wasn't the only one.
you rubbed the head of my dick and said "I shall call you Squishy and you shall be mine and you shall be my Squishy."
Someone just pulled taco bell tacos out of their purse in class....2 problems with here. 1) this class is nutrition 2) taco bell is not open this early.
just woke up face down in my kitchen covered in cheetos. my mom just stepped over me to get to the coffee maker. hello summer
They asked me to help them shop for lingerie.
Tell them everything looks awful, makes their ass look fat, etc. You'll wreck their self esteem and likely both have sex with you to make themselves feel better.
You're the most understanding sister I could ever ask for.
just had a memory of me telling homeless mark that it was the year of the bunny and he said "you da bunny, girl"
Just remembered getting lost in a "shortcut" through yards and GPSing my way home last night
One fish gets drugged and suddenly I'm labeled a bad pet owner. This is so unfair.
I saw a 60 yr old mans penis last night. Just for the record.
come to Starbucks. I'm the fat girl eating a whole pizza sitting on the ground
You act as if I'm the first person to pee in the Taco Bell drive thru at 2 AM, I'm sure a lot worse things have happen in that drive thru than my urine.
do you know how much drugs we can buy now that you got that raise at work
You could see the bone sticking out of his shin and he insisted he was "just gunna walk it off"
just found a joint on the street in downtown. smoked it with the hot guy from my chem class
WHAT IS UP WITH YOU SMOKING/ DRINKING THINGS OFF THE GROUND?
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