4 words: hood of his car
i hit her car. ill just send her a farmville gift in the morning. then it'll be alright.
he said "you're pretty" then i made out with him. thats all it took
Found out in my property law class that you can sell your eggs for $8000. Helloooo spring break.
yeah that always happens. i'm like the where's waldo of parties. i never even know where the fuck i'm at.
my six pack is really starting to show since I started fucking everything that moves
OK! No more randoms over for the next month this is the third fucking time I caught a naked dude drinking my OJ in the middle of the night.
A woman on my train just walked down the carriage in a wedding dress, crying and clutching a can of Carlsberg. Oh...
Just got a blowie during the Avengers. It's weird knowing that the high point of your life just happened.
I feel like this has turned into my work. But if I get paid sitting under a desk, that's perfectly fine with me.
you ate the make a wish sign. Like actually chewed on it. It was our solution to going outside when the cops were there
My night started to turn around the time I started calling her a "raggedy cunt".
Somehow she got that I meant it as a term of endearment.
I can control the tv with my phone while pooping on the second floor. I thought you should know for future reference
Just walked by the barren window naked in a family neighborhood. Who needs dignity.
What's Spanish for "I shouldn't have worn these underwear to work?"
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