I think I left something in your back seat.... It was my integrity
I just tipped a bartender in xanax.
walking home from your place the other day I saw a man with a ponytail sitting on some church steps petting a plant
he should get drunk with us
And then he asked the cop "shall i shut off the lady gaga?" as he was being frisked.
I just did a sobriety test in a tutu.
in line at jewel. the cashier is puking in a garbage can while ringing up customers. glad to know im not the only one that 2012 is kicking in the face already.
I attempted to stand up and was quickly reminded by gravity that I am the universe's bitch right now
I'll come hang out with you guys later, but right now my parents aren't home and I have to take full advantage of being able to watch porn on full blast.
Noo.... Like in the attic of a crack house with nitrous and fat chicks weird....
I went to McDonald's this morning still half drunk with penises drawn all over my body, when my card was declined the cashier asked if I needed Jesus
Whiskey chased with ice cubes? Here's a big FUCK THAT to that
Going back to the ever classy sneak out to the fridge and swig liquor from the bottle method. That it is legal for me to drink here makes the fact that I have to do this all the more depressing.
Question for you. Do you want to go out somewhere or do you want to have sloppy joes at my house? That's not a euphemism for anything; I actually have stuff to make sloppy joes
I'm telling you, this vagina is really making the rounds lately...
Same way I cope with everything else. With dildos, dunkin and depeche mode
Randomize
