i woke up with my moms heels on underneath your couch cushions
you want 1 or 2 eggos?
Ben's a prick.
What Ben are you talking about?
All the bens across all the lands
Why dose there have to be another girl there for you to do this?
its hotter. Way hotter.
theres a boy scout troop on my plane. right now theyre playing wilderness games. let me just tell you how excited i am to hit on all of them
I just saw a neon sign in a bar window that says, "open to Public" but the L is burnt out.
In case you were wondering, you weren't dreaming. I really did get stuck between my bed and the wall last night.
She didn't need to know her brother was thrown out of a bar for getting head on the dance floor. You're a shit head.
If I don't have the money by then, I'll pay you in sex.
It's going to be 23.5 times of sex and 19 blow jobs. I just googled it.
He pulled a bucket of fried chicken out of his backpack as a peace offering. Under the chicken was a rainbow bag of weed. We're dating again.
did i make more ranch sandwiches last night
you had 4
You can't say "my boobs are wonderful" and not expect my drunken subconscious to focus on wanting to see them. Btw-can I see them?
Jesus when did you leave my house? I found 2 bottles of wine, vodka, and a book with blow all over it wondering if I was read bedtime stories
The guy I blew who bought us all the shots last night? I really think he's the TV guy I'm watching give the local weather. Like right now.
My drug dealer was just on ESPN..
Seriously. There were about 4 hours in which I swear my nose was not attached to my face.
Randomize
