I painted my nails silver
And what are the implications of that?
Is there supposed to be a msg in that? Just thought ud like to know it looks like I fingerbanged an alien
My vagina is in bus station locker number 1465.You can go talk to it if u like -in the mean time I’m going 2show up drunk and embarrass u at work.
i love insurance, just had an iv with 4 bags of fluid, 2 shots of finagrin and a 2 hour nap . woke up without a hangover. all for $20
FYI don't ever, ever get a lap dance from a stripper who says " she's having a bad day " at a bachelor party.
I hate nights where "I found my underwear" can be considered a victory.
You walked away saying that you had to pee and you never came back. We found you an hour later in his roommate's bed. Under the covers. Still in your wet bathing suit.
He sent me a picture of his dick with a cowboy hat on it.
Obviously you've never slept with someone who was deliverance level inbred.
On NPR this morning, farmers are feeding weed to pigs. The result: pot bacon. Life just got better.
whose parrot is this?
Bobbing for jello shots in a bucket of long island. Fast track to alcohol poisoning.
guy at the bar just asked how many cows we have on our land, then proceeds to ask me out. you know your from the country when....
Imma do four shots of whisky within two minutes and pass out. Otherwise this'll go badly.
and you fell through a lawn chair
there's a bowling ball in the dishwasher and a dog bone in the freezer
Randomize
