Bonnaroo quote of the day: "why the fuck am i pregnant?!?!" - exclaimed loudly by random hippie.
Michael Jackson and Farah Fawcett are dead
NOOOOOOOO not MJ! Someone tell the paramedic to grab him by the heart and just "Beat it"
somehow writing 'not a skank' on yur boobs doesn't really make you look less skanky...
just spent the last 4 hours searching ex-girlfriend porn to make sure there are no photos of me
I just did the nutritional comparison between 2% milk and Bud Light Lime.. the beer had less calories, less carbs, and less fat. It's not looking good for milk in my life anymore
I learned 3 things lastnight....1. Turkeys are related to the t-rex. 2. Whales have leg bones cause they used to walk. 3. I will sing drunk in the waffle house, but not during karaoke in the bar
Hm, finding a time when my drinking and your real life don't conflict could be difficult
its not you its me. and by that i mean i am more interested in having random one night stands with random hot girls then having the same normal sex with u.
Let me clarify that those tears were for losing my fuck buddy and his penis, not to the fact that he decided he wanted an actual relationship with feelings.
did you just take a shot to penises and friendship?
Between fucking and sleeping I woke up missing four out of five of the earrings I was wearing. It's like a star rating system. I had to give him props.
After we finished having sex, he drunkenly tried to hugh five me, farted, then accused me of stealing his socks.
I went to watch porn and there's already 3 Santa videos. Happy November 1st.
I dunno about you, but I consider getting eaten out on the porch of a houseboat in -30c in a bridesmaids dress a northern right of passage
Some sorority went “Dick or Treating” at a frat house and now the Halloween parties are canceled
Randomize
