I just googled how to quit your job and cause a big uproar at the same time....i tell you how tomorrow goes, i'm so excited....
This martini tastes like the bartender stirred it with his foreskin.
Why do bread and butter chips remind me of eating out your mom?
tolerance is too high. going on a liquor strike. ghandi style.
2nd night home for break and we had to call the fire department to keep the house from burning down. At this rate I'll be lucky to see you next semester.
Have to get circumcised. Doctor goes, "On the bright side, you can tell people your dick is too wide."
That is true. Vodka is like a dog. Always loyal, warm, and there for you when you need it
I tried to make friends with the geese living behind Hughes. They didn't really like that idea.
Are you high?
Would it be out of line to take a picture of all the earrings, rings, hairclips, and other miscellaneous girl items that I found under my bed and post it on facebook and tag all the girls that I slept with this year so they can claim their shit and get it out of my house?
Don't ever give your dog some hamburger at midnight. Its impossible to enjoy a late night burger when your dog just threw it up all over your carpet. Gremlin rules work with dogs.
oh you know, the usual stuff. getting kicked out of bars and sleeping in cars.
He got cut off by the bartender. So he kept buying people drinks of they would i get him a drink. Before you know it him and 8 people were outside the bat trying to get people. To by them drinks
You are going to come home to a suitcase in the fridge. Just go with it.
As soon as I got there, you appeared out of no where, yelled "they're giving away free cigarettes!" in my face and then disappeared and I didn't see you the rest of the night.
I woke up with sticky red stuff all over my sheets, face, and chest. Apparently after I blacked out I thought eating ribs in bed was a good idea
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